(C) 2020 by David Wolfberg

One little bat, one little bat

my father bought for two zuzim

One little bat, one little bat

Then came the snake

that bit the bat

my father bought for two zuzim

One little bat, one little bat [aside:] It could have been a pangolin

Then came the guy

who ate the snake

that bit the bat

or pangolin

my father bought for two zuzim

One little bat, one little bat   

Then came the bug

that got the guy

who ate the snake

that bit the bat

or pangolin

my father bought for two zuzim

One little bat, one little bat

Bats and pangolin are completely different animals.  Pangolin are also called “Scaly Anteaters,” although they eat termites as well.

Then came the doc

who saw the bug

that got the guy

who ate the snake

that bit the bat

or pangolin

my father bought for two zuzim

One little bat, one little bat

Then came the cops

who gagged the doc

who saw the bug

that got the guy

who ate the snake

that bit the bat

or pangolin

my father bought for two zuzim

One little bat, one little bat

Bats carry over 400 strains of coronavirus. Pangolin are seen as a possible go-between that transmitted what became known as the COVID-19 virus from bats to humans.

Then came the epidemic

despite the cops

who gagged the doc

who saw the bug

that got the guy

who ate the snake

that bit the bat

or pangolin

my father bought for two zuzim

One little bat, one little bat 

Then came the blame

for the epidemic

despite the cops

who gagged the doc

who saw the bug

that got the guy

who ate the snake

that bit the bat

or pangolin 

my father bought for two zuzim

One little bat, one little bat

Pangolins are threatened by poaching (for their meat and scales, which are used in Chinese traditional medicine for a variety of ailments including excessive nervousness and hysterically crying children, women possessed by devils and ogres, malarial fever, and deafness) and also threatened by heavy deforestation of their natural habitats, and are the most trafficked mammals in the world.  Incidentally, they are not related to armadillos.

Then came Big Brother

to deflect the blame

for the epidemic

despite the cops

who gagged the doc

who saw the bug

that got the guy

who ate the snake

that bit the bat

or pangolin

my father bought for two zuzim

One little bat, one little bat 

Don’t blame all of China! The authorities have been cracking down on pangolin poaching. Of course, it did take until January 2020 for China’s state insurers to stop reimbursing for Pangolin-derived treatments, but since 2016, Chinese social media superstar AngelaBaby has spoken up against killing pangolins to her 90 million followers. And her wedding outspent the Kardashians!  But the point is, don't blame a people.  

Then came the quarantines

Big Brother wrought

post-getting-blamed

for the epidemic

despite the cops

who gagged the doc

who saw the bug

that got the guy

who ate the snake

that bit the bat

or pangolin

my father bought for two zuzim

One little bat, one little bat

Then came the ships and planes

that skipped the quarantines

Big Brother wrought

post-getting-blamed

for the epidemic

despite the cops

who gagged the doc

who saw the bug

that got the guy

who ate the snake

that bit the bat

or pangolin

my father bought for two zuzim

One little bat, one little bat

In February 2020, university researchers in China employing genomic sequencing found a 99% match between a coronavirus found in pangolins and the virus now known as COVID-19. Honestly, I originally thought the COVID-19 virus was definitely from a bat being eaten by a snake that was then picked up in an open market for consumption, but I must confess for the structure of the song, bat works better.

Then came POTUS,

we'll skip this part

like ships and planes

skipped quarantines

Big Brother wrought

post-getting-blamed

for the epidemic

despite the cops

who gagged the doc

who saw the bug

that got the guy

who ate the snake

that bit the bat

or pangolin  Sorry, but to clarify, when I said “consumption” back there, I didn’t mean tuberculosis, but the snake being eaten by a human.

my father bought for two zuzim

One little bat, one little bat

Hmm. A subsequent whole-genome comparison found that the pangolin and human viruses in fact share only 90.3% of their RNA, thus ruling out the pangolin as a direct source. Phew!

Then came the PANDEMIC

despite the Trump...

we'll skip this part

like ships and planes

skipped quarantines

Big Brother wrought

post-getting-blamed

for the epidemic

despite the cops

who gagged the doc

who saw the bug

that got the guy

who ate the snake

that bit the bat

or whatever else

But we should still pin it on the pangolin, because they are endangered.

my father bought for two zuzim

One little bat, one little bat…  

...and here's hoping we find another way of dispossessing ourselves of devils and ogres.


haggadah Section: Nirtzah