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Passover Songs: The Parody Edition
Contributed by Meira Goldfischer

  • TOP HAGGADAHS FOR 2023

1. Take Us Out of Egypt (By Ron Wolfson, “Take me out to the ball game")

Take us out of Egypt Free us from slavery

Bake us some matzah in a haste Don't worry 'bout flavor--

Give no thought to taste.

Oh it's rush, rush, rush, to the Red Sea If we don't cross it's a shame

For it's ten plagues, Down and you're out

At the Pesach history game.

2. Les Miselijah (By Stuart Malina, "Do you hear the people Sing" from “Les Miserables”)

Do you hear the doorbell ring, And it's a little after ten?

It can only be Elijah Come to take a sip again. He is feeling pretty fine

We don’t want him to feel loose. So perhaps instead of wine

We should only give him juice.

3. Elijah (By Rabbi Dan Liben, "Maria")

Elijah!

I just saw the prophet Elijah. And suddenly that name

Will never sound the same to me. Elijah!

He came to our Seder Elijah!

He had his cup of wine, But could not stay to dine This year--

Elijah!

For your message all Jews are waiting:

That the time's come for peace and not hating--

Elijah--

Next year we'll be waiting. Elijah!

4. Just a Tad of haroset (By Debbie and Sharon Bohnen, "Just a spoon full of sugar")

Chorus:

Just a tad of haroset helps the bitter herbs go down,

The bitter herbs go down, the bitter herbs go down.

Just a tad of haroset helps the bitter herbs go down, In the most disguising way.

Oh, back in Egypt long ago,

The Jews were slaves under Pharaoh. They sweat and toiled and labored through the day.

So when we gather Pesach night, We do what we think right.

Maror, we chew,

To feel what they went through. Chorus

So after years of slavery

They saw no chance of being free.

Their suffering was the only life they knew. But baby Moses grew up tall,

And said he'd save them all. He did, and yet,

We swear we won't forget. That

Chorus cont....

While the maror is being passed, We each refill our water glass,

Preparing for the taste that turns us red. Although maror seems full of minuses, It sure does clear our sinuses.

But what's to do?

It's hard to be a Jew!!!

Chorus

5. Pharaoh Doesn’t Pay (By Mary Ann Barrows Wark, “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad”)

I’ve been working on these buildings; Pharaoh doesn’t pay.

I’ve been doing what he tells me Like making bricks from clay.

Can’t you hear the master calling, “Hurry up, make a brick!”

Can’t you feel the master hurt me Until I’m feeling sick.

Oh is this a mess, Oh is this a mess,

Oh is this a mess, for Jews, for Jews. Oh is this a mess,

Oh is this a mess,

Oh is this a mess for Jews.

Someone’s in the palace with Pharaoh – Someone’s in the palace we know, ow, ow, ow, Someone’s in the palace with Pharaoh –

Does he know they treat us so?

Keep singing work, work, work all day, Work all day and then some mo –ore, Work, work, work all day –

Does he know they treat us so?

6. Our Passover Things (By "My Favorite Things" from the "Sound of Music" )

Cleaning and cooking and so many dishes

Out with the chametz, no pasta, no knishes

Fish that's gefilted, horseradish that stings

These are a few of our Passover things.

Matzah and karpas and chopped up haroset

Shankbones and kiddish and yiddish neuroses

Tante who kvetches and uncle who sings

These are a few of our Passover things

Motzi and moror and trouble with Pharaohs

Famines and locusts and slaves with wheelbarrows

Matzah balls floating and eggshell that clings

These are a few of our Passover things.

Chorus

When the plagues strike

When the lice bite

When we're feeling sad

We simply remember our Passover things

And then we don't feel so bad.

7. We’ll Cross the Sea (to the tune of “Under the Sea”)

You think that we all are stuck here

You think that we have no choice

We work in the sand and muck here

But what if we raise our voice?

Just trust that our God will save us And we can run far away

Where nobody will enslave us So come with me, don’t delay!

Chorus

We’ll cross the sea

We’ll cross the sea

Life will be better

They will get wetter

Than you and me

Back on this side we’ll slave away

But over there we all can play

 So if you dare-o

Run from this pharaoh

We’ll cross the sea

8. Into the Sea ( To the tune of “Into the Woods” )

Into the sea, where Adonai Has promised that the land is dry.

Moses is here and he’s the guy, To guide us on our journey.

Into the sea— We can’t deny, The trip we take can terrify.

Will we be free or will we die, Before we start our journey?

The way is clear.

We have our guide.

So have no fear, God will provide.

The sand is up ahead.

The soldiers are behind.

I really hate to ask it, But will I need a casket?

Into the sea— We have no bread. The time was tight, and so we fled.

Moses has said we’ll all be fed, As we head on our journey.

Into the sea—  We don’t know how, But we agree the time is now.

Later we’ll build a golden cow, To guide us on our journey.

Into the sea!  And out of the sea! Into the sea!  And out of the sea! And home before dark!

9. When You Are Free (to the tune of “When You’re a Jet” from West Side Story)

When you are free, You’ll be free all the way.

Let the pharaoh decree! You won’t have to obey.

When you are free, You won’t suffer the lash.

When you do a day’s work, You will get a day’s cash.

 Imagine your life as something you can sweeten . . .

Imagine a life in which you’re never beaten By some cretin!

When you are free, You will not be a slave

Wishing that you could be Independent and brave.

When you are free, You won’t cower in fear.

You’ll be free to fly high Or fall flat on your rear.

Now listen to me, and hear what I am saying . . .

When you are free, your people will be playing, Not oy vaying!

When you are free, You can summon the nerve

To say, “Hey, look at me! Give me what I deserve.”

When you are free, You will be free!

10. Goodbye, Goodbye, Mitzrayim! (to the tune of “To Life!” from Fiddler on the Roof)

Goodbye, goodbye, Mitzrayim!

Mitzrayim, Mitzrayim, goodbye!

We’re sick of building the pyramids,

Losing our first born kids.

So Mitzrayim, goodbye!

To us and our good fortune!

To Moses and to Adonai!

Say adios to the overseer. We’re getting out of here. So Mitzrayim, goodbye!

God told Moses, “There’s a simple message That the Pharaoh really needs to know.

Take your rod and take your brother Aaron. Tell the Pharaoh, ‘Let my people go”.

To us and our good fortune!

To Moses and to Adonai!

Say adios to the overseer.

We’re getting out of here.

So Mitzrayim, goodbye!

11. Master of the Jews (to the tune of “Master of the House” from Les Miserables)

(sung by the Hebrews)

Master of the Jews, giving us a push.

 Sure that God is hiding in a burning bush.

Here another frog, there a little lice.

Thinking Pharaoh’s gonna follow his advice.

If we do as Moses tells us, all of us will surely lose.

 Heading to disaster following the Master of the Jews.

Water from a stone, manna from the sky.

Everything he promises is just a lie.

We will all be lost. It will be a mess

Wandering the desert without G.P.S.

Can’t you see the front page headlines?

We’ll be on the late night news.

Meeting with disaster following the Master of the Jews.

(sung by the Pharaoh’s daughter)

I used to dream that I would raise a prince,

But gods almighty, have you seen what happened since?

Master of the Jews — just a rotten kid!

 Can’t he see we need another pyramid?

Foolish little man, doesn’t Moses know

Pharaoh’s never gonna let the Hebrews go.

What a cruel trick of nature!  This is not the son I’d choose.

Once a Hebrew bastard, now he is the Master of the Jews.

(sung by the Hebrews)

Master of the Jews — isn’t that a laugh?

We’d be better worshiping a golden calf.

Telling us to pack, telling us to flee,

Promising that God will end our slavery.

Holding out the hope of freedom, saying that it’s ours to choose.

Heading to disaster quick — Hey, don’t the Pharaoh’s cows look sick?

Heading to disaster following the Master of the Jews.

12. Ruler of the Universe (to the tune of “Phantom of the Opera”)

You saw a desert bush burst into flame.

You heard my booming voice call out your name.

Don’t try to run away.  You’ll only find

The Ru--ler of the Universe is there inside your mind!

Now, Moses, you must march to Pharaoh’s throne.

No need to be afraid.  You’re not alone.

My power and your voice are one combined.

The Ru-ler of the Universe is there inside your mind!

13. Sweet Kosher Wine (to the tune of “Sweet Caroline”)

Adonai said, “I never will forget you. I will make Pharaoh set you free.”

Now here we are, drinking the wine we savor

As we recall our slavery.

(Chorus)

Hands…pouring wine,

Reaching out, red for me, white for you.

 Sweet kosher wine,

You make seders seem so good  (so good, so good, so good)

We all recline

And we drink you like we should.

Adonai said, “If you can learn to trust me

Then in the end you’ll just be fine.”

Now here we are, all of these long years later

Drinking our favorite seder wine.

(Repeat chorus)

We Don't Talk About Pharaoh By Dave Cowen  (Adapted from “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” from Encanto)

We don't talk about Pharaoh, no, no, no!

We don't talk about Pharaoh. But!

It was our Exodus day

It was our Exodus day

We were getting ready, to leave Egypt and slavery behind

Leave Egypt and slavery behind

Pharaoh walks in with a mischievous grin-

(Darkness!!!)

You telling this story, or am I?

(I'm sorry, ha-chaim sheli, go on)

Pharaoh says, "You’ll stay our slaves."

(But God did for us?)

Egypt’s water, He turned to blood

(Savtala, get the umbrellas!)

Next the frogs, lice, and flies came

(What joyous days... but anyways)

We don't talk about Pharaoh, no, no, no!

We don't talk about Pharaoh!

Jews grew to live in fear of Pharaoh summoning then promising

We could always hear him sort of dissembling and fibbing

Because of him they got the plague of falling hail, ch-ch-ch

You would think pestilence would be so humbling

Yet always to Moses and the Jews he kept fibbing

Grappling with prophecies he couldn't understand

Did not understand

Kind of not to blame

He gets all the flack

When God proclaimed

Pharaoh’s heart be black

Yet, he still did scheme

To keep his regime

Hey!

We don't talk about Pharaoh, no, no, no! (We don't talk about Pharaoh, no, no, no!)

We don't talk about Pharaoh (we don't talk about Pharaoh!)

He told us we could not leave

Firstborn sons: dead! (Whoa, whoa!)

Moses warned he’d grow boils!

And just like He said... (Whoa, whoa!)

God said that all light would disappear, now look as foresaid (Whoa, whoa!)

Your fate’s sealed when the prophecy is said!

God told us the land of our dreams would be promised, and someday be thine

God told us His power would grow, with outstretched arm and strong hand

Oy, Pharaoh’s on his way

God told us as we left, freedom would feel just out of reach

Enslaved all over

It’s like I hear chariots now

My peeps, God wants some faith from you

I can hear chariots now

Uh-oh Pharaoh...

Yeah, about that Pharaoh...

You really need to trust in Hashem...

Gimme that arm and hand for that Pharaoh

(Jewish people, your ruler’s here

Time for capture!)

The Red Sea he came (it was our Exodus day, it was our Exodus day)

To enslave us back (we were getting ready)

he never did change (to leave Egypt and slavery behind)

his heart remained black (to leave Egypt and slavery behind!)

Yet, all God’s plan (Pharaoh arrived with a mischievous grin-)

To part the Red Sea (Locusts!)

You telling this story, or am I?

(I'm sorry, ha-chaim sheli, go on)

God said, “Jews cross the plane.”

In doing so, God floods the terrain

The Egyptians all were slain

That’s why we talk about Pharaoh, oh! 

(Every year we talk about Pharaoh?)

Yes, every year we talk about Pharaoh!

(I’m glad we brought up Pharaoh!!!)
haggadah Section: Songs

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