THE FOUR CHILDREN
(To the tune of “Clementine”)

Said the father to his children
“At the seder you will dine.
You will eat your fill of matzah
You will drink four cups of wine.”

Now this father and this mother
They had children numbered four
One was wise and one was wicked,
One was simple and a bore.

And the fourth was sweet and winsome,
Pretty young and pretty small.
While the others asked the questions
She could scarcely speak at all.

Said the wise child to her parents,
“Pesach iconography
Stems from Renaissance perspectives
On the texts, don’t you agree?

Said her father, “Yeah, I guess so.
And I’m making a new rule.
From now on you’re playing soccer
Not attending Hebrew school.”

Then the wicked child said,
“Boring! This whole story brings me down.
Let’s go out and get a pizza,
Let that baby Moses drown.

"Can't we move on to the plague part?
I like frogs, and I like blood.
Locusts crawling in your oatmeal,
Guys with boils oozing crud.”

So the father told the bad son,
“When our people were set free
You’d be left behind in Egypt
Which would be okay with me.”

Now the simple child looked puzzled.
“Where’s that pumpkin pie you make?
Where’s the turkey? Where’s the stuffing?
Happy birthday! Where’s the cake?”

“It’s a seder,” said the mother,
“First we read and then we eat.
As we celebrate our freedom.”
And the child cried, “Trick or treat!”

And then Mom turned to the baby,
Who, she knew, would understand.
“Once God led us out of Egypt
And into the promised land.”

So good parents, heed this lesson
And remember evermore
What the parents told their children,
Told their children numbered four.

Though dysfunction haunts your family
Hold your seder without fear.
All Jews fight -- as you’ll discover
In Jerusalem next year.


haggadah Section: -- Four Children
Source: Barbara Bernstein