The Four Children, Simplified

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Telling is only one part of the commandment to recount the story of Passover during the seder; making sure that message sent is the same as message received is the other. But we all approach life differently for a variety of reasons: experiences, temperament, ability, priorities. In order to further explore our relationship to ourselves, to the Passover story, and to the message of inclusion that is at the core of Passover, tradition has divided us into "four children," or four types of people who don't understand the message of the seder and have some questions.

As we discuss each child, reflect on times you have been and continue to be in that mindset. If you find one mindset particularly troubling, consider whether or not that has to do with where you have been, and work harder on bringing those with that mindset out of their intellectual narrow place and into enlightenment.

The Wise Child asks "What are the details of Passover? What can I do to improve them and bring them closer to their meaning?"

We answer this child by helping them uncover deeper instruction and honoring their ideas. The wise child within us all is always searching out answers, always applying their experience and knowledge, always seeing themselves within the narrative. We must be careful with our wise children that they do not believe themselves more worthy than the others, just because they can more easily grasp concepts.

The Wicked Child asks "Why do you bother with the seder, when we are safe and sound? What's the point?"

We answer this child by telling them that had they excluded themselves from the community this way in Egypt, they may not have been brought out in the Exodus, but that whether or not they include themselves, they are included in the Torah and are a part of the larger redemption.The wicked child feels that they are outside the proceedings, even if they are Jewish. They understand that we were all slaves once, but they just don't care, because they do not feel included in a greater 'we.' The wicked child is just another facet of the wise child, and one can easily become the other with the right (or wrong) shaping. This is also a reminder not to exclude others from the liberation we seek on the basis of their behavior; a member of your community is not invalidated as one by the basis of their beliefs.

The Simple Child asks "Can you go over what Passover is, again?"

We answer this child by condensing the answer simply: We commemorate when we were brought out of Egypt and the wonders that accompanied it. The simple child in all of us struggles with a concept, no matter how basic; it isn't that they don't want to understand, but for whatever reason, they don't have the tools. Remember that we are all this innocent about something, and do not assume that others have access to the same language or other conceptual tools that you do. And remember that if you cannot condense what you believe into as simple terms as you can, like you are explaining to a five year old, you may not truly understand it as well as you ought to.

The Child Who Does Not Know How To Ask is silent, perhaps watching, perhaps unaware that there is something happening or that this night is, indeed, different than all other nights.

We answer this child by starting the discussion for them by saying that today we re-enact what we did to get out of the desert. We cannot wait for a question that may never come. We must not assume the reason behind the silence: it could be a lack of ability ranging from being too young to have all the words to a physical disability preventing speech, but it could also be shyness, social anxiety, or even perhaps because they think they know everything already. Whatever the case, we don't assume any sort of intent or lack of intent; we simply start the conversation and see where it goes. There remain things that we are all so ignorant of that we do not even know there should be a discussion about them.

These are the children we may encounter, and the children within us all. We are all capable of being each of these people, and I invite you to name a time when you have been one or commit to approaching someone in your life who is one of them, with the knowledge that you have also been a child in a Passover seder.

haggadah Section: -- Four Children

Source: Susannah Goya-Pack