Search Library

Four Children, Interpreted by a Clinical Psychologist
Contributed by Shoshana Rice

  • TOP HAGGADAHS FOR 2023

As we tell the story, we think about it from all angles. Our tradition speaks of four different types of children who might react differently to the Passover seder. It is our job to make our story accessible to all the members of our community, so we think about how we might best reach each type of child.

.

Excerpt from “A Psychology of Spiritual Development,” by clinical psychologist, Mark Banschick M.D. (Adapted slightly by Shoshana.)

.

The Son Who Doesn’t Know How to Ask

The son who doesn't know to ask is the person who is uninterested in exploring the story of the Israelites and their liberation. He assumes there isn’t anything that would be of importance to him and asking a question about spiritual matters is beyond him. This person may be an infant, a child, an individual who hasn’t had exposure to a meaningful religious life, or an adult who has given up caring. 
.

The Tam - The Simple Son

The simple son—the Tam—is the committed, but simple Jew. He asks his father what needs to be done and his father tells him just as it is. From a developmental point of view, this is a sincere, but simple spirituality: “Tell me what God wants, and I will comply.” The simple son represents the spirituality of a young person or an adult individual who tends toward a dependent posture in relation to authority. The Tam may be a “good” boy, but is he free? 

.

The Chacham - The Wise Son

The wise son represents an advanced stage of spiritual development. In this stage, the Tam develops into a person who has struggled with his connection, has perhaps rejected or confronted part or all of his relationship with Judaism, and has returned to freely embrace the tradition from a more mature point of view. The Chacham says, “I want to know what is required of me, in detail, because it’s of personal importance, and I already understand why this is important to me.” He thinks, “I have been around the block and have asked many questions. I feel secure in my wish to embrace my connection to my tradition.”

.

The Rasha - The Wicked Son

The Wicked son is the step the Simple Son takes before becoming the Wise Son. The Rasha is a form of differentiation. He is the son—the character in the play—who separates to analyze from a 3rd person viewpoint, in essence, “I’m not part of this—I need to consider whether this is for me or not.” Differentiation is a well-known process in human development, common in teens, but important for adults as well. It’s the edge that helps us to mature. In spiritual development, differentiation is a critical component to a connection embraced freely—and not just by habit or necessity.

.

When have you, at different stages of your life, been like each of these children?

In what topics might you currently be like the simple or wicked child? The one who doesn't know to ask? 

When we feel like we are like the wise child, how do you interact with others who are wicked, simple, or do not know to ask?

haggadah Section: -- Four Children
Source: A Psychology of Spiritual Development

Featured clips


More clips from Shoshana Rice