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Expanding On The Four Children
Contributed by Stefanie Shapiro

  • TOP HAGGADAHS FOR 2023
Expanding On The Four Children

Labeling children as wise, wicked, simple, and not knowing how to ask seems to remove the intricacies of children asking questions. Perhaps we can reframe each child in a different way.

Child #1: This child loves to ask questions and gain more knowledge. Whether they find the answers themselves or use their resources, this child is always learning.

Child #2: This child is figuring out how being Jewish and celebrating Passover are relevant to the child's own life. They are asking others how they relate to Passover and may be using those answers to help them figure it out for themselves. This child may not be in the headspace to bring Passover into their own lives or they may struggle to understand concepts that are not prevalent in their life experiences. These children are still valid, and if we encounter them, we should meet them where they are. 

Child #3: This child has an understanding of Passover traditions and is happy with the extent of their knowledge. They may ask some clarifying questions, but overall are secure in what they know. We should be thankful the child has shown interest in Jewish holidays and traditions but should not push them if they do not want to learn more. Give the child space to learn as they are interested, for this will create a more genuine learning experience.

Child #4: This child is quiet and taking in all that they are seeing and hearing. They may not have the words to express their questions yet, or they may not feel comfortable asking. It is important to recognize that not everyone comes to the table to learn; they may come just to experience. We should create a space that anticipates questions so that answers can be provided without the child having to ask. We need to recognize that engagement and enjoyment of activities looks different for different children. We should check in with this child and let them process the seder in their own way, while letting them know we are here if they need us.

We each have a combination of these children within us. Some years, one child may be more prevalent than others. Each child's experience during the Passover seder is important and valid. We must recognize that there is no one right way to show up to a seder and that no one child is "better" than another. By removing the connotations associated with wise, wicked, simple, and not knowing how to ask, we can look at the core of each child and allow them to have the most meaningful Passover experience for them.
haggadah Section: -- Four Children

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