The 21st Century Four | Passover haggadah by Lydia Katz

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Just as with all holidays in the Jewish tradition, Passover reaffirms the importance of our history, and helps to guide future generations in the customs of our People. However, on this night, we place the children in a place of particular honor and significance. Not only do we have the youngest among us recite the Four Questions, we go further by including the parable of the Four Children as a key feature of the Seder. In this parable, there are four children, each representing a different perspective on how one relates to the tradition.These four are:

The Wise Child
The Wicked Child
The Simple Child
and The Child Who Doesn't Know How To Ask

For each of these children, there is a suggested way in which to speak to them regarding the Pesach traditions. However, although the model of four archetypes is a marvelous way to impart wisdom, the ones we find here do not fit within the world in which we live. Take the idea of children being either wise or wicked. Whereas the first child is granted the virtue of wisdom, for asking detailed questions about the holiday, the second is branded with the stain of wickedness, because they feel that they are not represented by the boundaries of our People. Retelling this comparison as part of our annual narrative creates an unhealthy sense of competition, and further alienates those who do not feel represented by the tradition. So, the Wise and Wicked children can take a hike.

Another aspect of the 21st Century Seder is that not every person at the table is going to be a Jew. No longer living in isolated communities, we find ourselves bound in love and friendship to many who have not been exposed to our customs, and stories. Each person like this, regardless of their actual age, is akin to a child. Every experience is new, and very often their question will simply be "What is this?" Considering these guests, the archetype of the Simple child finds itself replaced.

Now, we come to the fourth child, the one with no words to ask. Normally, this is thought of as a child who is still too young to speak. The thing is, because of the increased rate of developmental disorders, it is quite possible that there will be a child, or adult at the Seder, for whom words are difficult, or even impossible to form. Nonetheless, this person still experiences the evening in their own way. They are part of our family, and this evening could not be complete without them.

These things considered, it's time to look at our updated, 21st Century Four. They are:

1) The Invested Child: This child identifies on a very deep, and personal level with the Jewish People. They will enthusiastically ask questions about every detail, and nuance of the evening. To them, you must give as thorough an explanation as possible. As long as they thirst for knowledge, help them to drink from the waters of tradition.
2) The Apathetic Child: For this child, the old stories and rituals hold no personal meaning. When speaking to them, try to draw connections between the realities of their daily life, and the aspects of the story which best correspond to them. The Exodus is not a static fable, isolated in time and space. Even though tonight, we are recounting events of four thousand years ago, the struggles and triumphs of our people are applicable throughout the ages. It is up to you to make these things come alive, for one with closed eyes to see.
3) The Foreign Child: As a guest at the Seder, this child will be lost as to what is going on. Take time to tell them about what each aspect of the holiday means to you. By opening your memories to them, you also open a door to a tradition that is outside their realm of understanding. Make sure to share with them the best of it all.
4) The NNT Child: There are many ways in which a person's cognitive abilities may differ from the norm. With the Non-Neurotypical (NNT) child, the Seder must be shared with patience, love, and great empathy. Some may have full understanding of what is going on, yet be unable to verbally express it, while others may be purely immersed in the sensory experiences around them. Give this child the chance to participate in their own way, with the compassionate support they need to feel safe.

haggadah Section: -- Four Children