Leader:  We begin with the Passover plate.  The four foods on this plate symbolize the years of graduate school. 

Leader:  The first item is the bitter herbs. 

All:  The bitter herbs were painstakingly prepared over several years. 

Leader:  The second item is the chocolate covered-pretzels. 

All:  The chocolate-covered pretzels symbolize the food which our forefathers ate while attending evening talks. 

Leader:  The third item is the day-old chocolate covered pretzels, some with bites missing  

All:  The day-old chocolate covered pretzels, some with bites missing, symbolize the breakfast which our forefathers ate the morning after the talks. 

Leader:  The fourth item is the chinese food. 

All:  For it is written, in haste did they buy their dinner from the chinese truck.

The Hiding of the J-32 Centrifuge Rotor

Leader (displays two centrifuge rotors):  Earlier in the ceremony, there were three centrifuge rotors.  Following our tradition, a member of our group has taken one of the centrifuge rotors and hidden it.  By tradition, we now ask everyone who had it last.  Was it you? 

Participant:  No.  Was it you? 

Participant:  No.  Was it you? 

Participant:  No.  Was it you? 

Participant:  No.  Was it you? 

Participant:  No. 

Leader: The ceremony cannot continue until the centrifuge rotor has been found.  We now offer bribes or threats to anyone who can tell us anything about its location. 

Participant:  I haven't seen it in weeks 

Participant:  Never used it. 

Participant:  What's a centrifuge? 

As this year our experiments have not worked, and we have published (if at all) in obscure journals, so next year may all our experiments work beautifully.  And we say together: NEXT YEAR IN NATURE