The Ten Plagues

So G-d brought ten plagues upon Egypt, and each time, the Pharaoh got scared and promised to free the Israelites, but he did not, because in addition to being a schmuck he had the IQ of a glazed doughnut. It was only after the tenth and scariest plague that it finally dawned on his tiny Pharaoh brain that he’d better let the Israelites go.

We fill our cups with a bad wine that we do not mind spilling to remember how happy we were when this happened. But we are not totally happy, because we are Jewish, and thus we can never be truly happy. Also we feel a little bad for the Egyptians, because it’s not like they had a democracy and said, “Hey, let’s elect a moron to be the Pharaoh!” Things that make you go: hmmmm.

So anyway, instead of drinking all the wine or even a nice martini right now, we dip our fingers into our cups and spatter wine droplets all over a perfectly good tablecloth, which will have to be dry-cleaned. But go ahead – it’s fine – as we say the names of the plagues:

#1 Blood

#2 Frogs

#3 Lice

#4 Wild Animals

#5  Cattle Disease

#6 Boils

#7 Hail

#8 Locusts

#9 Darkness

#10 Slaying of the Firstborn


haggadah Section: -- Ten Plagues