What does the ‘perfect’ child ask?
What are the rules and how can I follow them?
This child needs love. They are living with fear. 
Fear that they will be beaten again. Fear that they will go to bed hungry. Fear that they will never be good enough. Fear that they will not be able to provide for their family. Fear that if their parents find out they’re gay, they will be out on the street. Fear that they will bring their family shame. Fear that they will be abandoned.
Tell them I love you. 

What does the ‘problem’ child ask?
What do these rules mean to you? (To you, and not to them.) 
This child needs love. They are living with anger. 
Anger that the rules are so arbitrary. Anger that well-intentioned white teachers humiliate them in class. Anger that their classmates make fun of their worn-out clothing. Anger that they are powerless to stop him from hurting her. Anger that the police took him away, but left her hurt. Anger that no one understands.
Tell them I love you.

What does the ‘special’ child ask?
What’s this?
This child needs love. They are living with shame.
Shame that they can’t be normal. Shame that they have needs. Shame that their father is in prison. Shame that they are failing their classes. Shame that they need help. Shame that he touches them. Shame that they can’t tell anyone. Shame that they want to die, and surely that’s a sin. 
Tell them I love you. 

What should we say to the silent child?
This child needs love. Tell them I love you. 


haggadah Section: -- Four Children