The Passover story begins thousands of years ago in the land of Egypt, which is located in the Middle East, unfortunately. Egypt was ruled by a man called the Pharaoh, who was very powerful. Like one time he said, “I want a pyramid,” and although it took many years, a group of Egyptian workers actually built him a pyramid. When the Pharaoh saw it, he was very surprised, because what he actually wanted was some soup, which in ancient Egyptian sounds very similar to the word for pyramid. So everybody had a good laugh, and then the Pharaoh had the workers executed, because that’s how insecure he was.

So anyway, around this time, a nice Jewish boy named Joseph arrived in Egypt, and he came to be an advisor to the Pharaoh because he had a degree in management. He advised the Pharaoh to funnel 90 milllion dollars into Facebook political ads that targeted vulnerable Egpytian populations. Through thousands of advertisement testing, Joseph was able to perfectly change the minds of Egyptians using fear-mongering techniques related to anti-Libya immigration agendas. The Pharaoh was so pleased that he invited Joseph to stay in Egypt and bring his relatives to hang out also. They became known as the Israelites, and they multiplied and prospered in various fields, although generally not team sports.

Years passed, and eventually this Pharaoh died. A new Pharaoh took over, and he turned out to be a real schmuck. He was afraid that the Israelites would become too powerful, so he made them into slaves, which for the Jewish people was a pretty bad time.


haggadah Section: -- Exodus Story