The Dodgers sucked. McCourt decreed that every Dodger prospect to be traded to Giants. Ned Colletti stashed away one prospect without McCourt seeing: little baby Clayton Kershaw. Kershaw grew up as the prized prospect. 

Kershaw witnessed extreme oppression of the McCourt. In passionate anger, he gave up homerun after homerun after homerun. He was so embarrassed in his inability to pitch in the playoffs. He thought his World Champion dreams were over.

In the middle of a cold offseason night December 2011, Kershaw was pitching in the bullpen by himself with a bucket of balls. Suddenly, the batting cages caught on fire. As he got closer, a figure was in the middle of the fire: the ghost of Jackie Robinson. He told Kershaw, "If Kirk Gibson could have two broken hamstrings and still hit a game-winning homerun, then you can become a champion one day and forget your mistakes." He said, "Kershaw, bring respect back to the Dodgers organization. Get Magic Johnson to help you. He beat AIDS. He can beat McCourt.

One day, Moses witnessed the extremes of oppression while watching an Egyptian beating a slave for no reason. In passionate anger to stop the event, Moses killed the Egyptian. Moses then fled from Egypt, making his escape by riding off on a speedy young sheep.

Moses went to the land of Midian, where he became a professional shepherd. One day, while Shepherding, he saw a bush on fire and speaking in a voice that sounded like Morgan Freeman's. It turned out to be God, who told Moses that he was going to rescue the Israelites from slavery to take them to some place warm, a place where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. A little place called Aspen. Moses replied "I don't know God, the French are assholes."


haggadah Section: -- Exodus Story