We begin with discussion of what happened to Dinah.

Come and learn what really happened to Dinah, the daughter of Jacob, after they escaped the attempted destruction of the family by Lavan. As it says,

"And Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, the prince of the land, saw her; and he took her, and lay with her, and humbled her."

"And Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, the prince of the land, saw her" She did something to catch his eye. As it says, "And Dinah the daughter of Leah, whom she had borne unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land." Therefore, having gone out for some girl time, she was not doing her best to avoid getting raped and was pretty much asking for it.

"and he took her, and lay with her, and humbled her." As it was taught (Pirkei d'Rabbi Eliezer 38),

"Dina came out to see the young ladies, and [Shechem son of Hamor] caught her and slept with her and she conceived and bore Asenath."

We infer from this that Dina was not legitimately raped, because, as Todd Akin says, "If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."

The story continues:

It is said of King David about Bathsheba that he

"moved on her like a bitch ... I did try and fuck her. She was married. " (Two Kings 3:04)

From where do we learn that, far from being a grievous sinner, King David was a tzadik (righteous man). As it is taught in a baraita:

"When you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the pussy."

And although there is no proof of the matter (in the Bible), there is an allusion to the matter. As the verse says,

דִּשַּׁנתָּ בַשֶּׁמֶן רֹאשִׁי כּוֹסִי רְוָיָה״" (anoint my head with oil, my cup is abundant) (Psalms 23:5)

Do not read it as כּוֹסִי, but as כּוּסִי (pussy) [so it becomes "anoint my 'head' with oil, pussy is abundant."]


haggadah Section: -- Exodus Story