Moses lived a life of luxury as the prince of Egypt in the Pharaoh’s palace. He always had all the newest Apple products. He even had very nice Canon EOS 5D Mark IV, though he never even used the camera. He just used his iPhone to take selfies and use instagram filters that nobody thought was cool. He had 1 million followers on instagram though, so he got free stuff. 

One day, Moses witnessed the extremes of oppression while watching an Egyptian beating a slave for no reason. In passionate anger to stop the event, Moses killed the Egyptian. Moses then fled from Egypt, making his escape by riding off on a speedy young sheep.

Moses went to the land of Midian, where he became a professional shepherd. One day, while Shepherding, he saw a bush on fire and speaking in a voice that sounded like Morgan Freeman's. It turned out to be God, who told Moses that he was going to resuce the Israelites from slavery to take them to a land flowing with milk and honey. This raised the question, were the milk and honey flowing spearately, or mixed together? But Moses did not think it was a good time to interrupt. 

God told Moses that he should go back to Egypt and threaten the Pharaoh to let the Israelites go or plagues will come down upon the Egyptians. Moses was quite terrified by God's chemical warefare threat. He thought it was a bit unfair and it could even be considered illegal within the Geneva Protocol. However, God was a superpower and was able to transcend pretty much any laws but using Facebook ads to cover it all up and have a high approval rating. 


haggadah Section: -- Exodus Story