Moses lived a life of luxury as the prince of Egypt in the Pharaoh’s palace. He always had all the newest Apple products and had the newest Tesla car.

One day, Moses witnessed the extremes of oppression while watching an Egyptian beating a slave for no reason. In passionate anger to stop the event, Moses killed the Egyptian. Moses then fled from Egypt, making his escape by riding off on a speedy young sheep.

Moses went to the land of Midian, where he became a professional shepherd. One day, while Shepherding, he saw a bush on fire and speaking in a voice that sounded like Morgan Freeman's. It turned out to be God, who told Moses that he was going to rescue the Israelites from slavery to take them to some place warm, a place where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. A little place called Aspen. Moses replied "I don't know God, the French are assholes."


haggadah Section: -- Exodus Story