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HUMOR -- TOP 10 Passover Lists
Contributed by Ben Herskowitz

  • TOP HAGGADAHS FOR 2023
HUMOR -- TOP 10 Passover Lists

TOP 10 Passover Lists

Top 10 Signs Pharaoh is an Evil Man

5782 -- Benjie Herskowitz -- https://www.benherskowitz.com/passover-fun

10. After having survived numerous poisoning attempts, Pharaoh appoints his mother-in-law to the post of Royal Food Taster.

9. Each morning before anyone is awake; he goes out to the Nile, relieves himself and thus dangerously raises Egypt's drinking water's ammonia and chloride levels.

8. He starts a crowd-sourcing to raise money to help OJ Simpson find the "real" killer.

7. After being forewarned by Moses of the coming of the plague of darkness, Pharaoh sells off all of his stock in the Cairo Electric Company.

6. Pharaoh’s personal Royal Chariot is known to intentionally flout all of the pollution emission laws.

5. Not only did he throw Jewish babies into the Nile, but made it mandatory that all school children learn how to diagram a sentence.

4. Claims that his only intention in throwing babies into the Nile was Advanced Toddler swimming lessons, something he read about in this month's Egyptian Reader's Digest.

3. During the plague of barad (hail), Pharaoh beheads the Royal band leader for happily playing "Hail To The Chief."

2. He is invited as a contestant to the original Egyptian game show, The $10,000 Pyramid, and accepts only on the condition that he's given all of the answers ahead of time.

And the number one sign that Pharaoh is an evil, evil man…

He bans all forms of Torah learning… except for Mesechet Yevamot (Tractate Yevamot).

Top 10 Signs Your Passover "Seder" is Toooo Long

For Outside of Israel:
You’re not actually sure when you first "Seder" ended, and the second one began.

10. It has been so long, that your "Seder" wine has aged to the point that it actually tastes acceptable.

9. You can swear that your 5 year-old son, who earlier, so cutely, asked "The 4 Questions," is starting to need to shave.

8. The non-Jew who bought the country’s chametz, has already sold it all back.

7. So long, that Donald Trump is reelected as President of the United States.

6. Smoke from the neighbors Log B’Omer bonfires, wafts into your dining room.

5. Rabbi Akiva’s students come to remind YOU that it's morning, and time for reciting the morning prayers.

4. So long that your Zaide Hayim begins snoring to the tune of "Mah Nishtanah"

3. It has been so long, that the "chad gadya" (the single kid-goat) settles down, marries a lamb and has a little "chad gadya" of their own.

2. Your front porch is covered with so many spider webs, and Elijah the Prophet needs a machete to enter your house.

And the number one sign, that your Pesach "Seder" has gone on for tooooo long…

For fear of drowning, it’s the third time that Uncle Myron’s snoring head has to be pulled up from his matza ball soup.

"WHO SAID IT" --
PASSOVER QUIZ

Who made the following statements?
Based on the Chumash, Rashi and Midrashim

Answers appear at the end .

Ben Herskowitz -- www.benherskowitz.com/passover-fun

  1. “What wimps, I didn’t bring my bathing suit either, but I’ll jump in first.”
  2. “Joseph? – hmmm, never heard of him!”
  3. "Whew, good thing we're able to order that tzur stone from room service!"
  4. "Woah, I wonder if we're the only ones on our block with no chashmal…"
  5. "I know we were told to pack light, but I've got a funny feeling that we're gonna need
    some tambourines."
  6. “Union rules, we don’t work on nothin' smaller than a grain of barley!”
  7. “Chalav yisrael?, I know where to get some.”
  8. “Man, for 40 years I haven’t had one stitch of work!”
  9. "You hear that too? I could'a sworn I just heard my cake croak!"
  10. "Hey, this here grass makes for a pretty good paint brush!"
  11. "Look, they didn't even get wet, I'm sure it's safe."
  12. “My, what very lovely pajamas, is that a monogram letter "P"?”
  13. "A tzintzenet jar way out here? Sure could use a good 2 Shekel store."
  14. "Think I better do a quick Google search on this here Egyptian's ancestors, before I do something rash."
  15. “Wow, Yocheved, this could really reduce our electric bills!”
  16. "Hey, where's Yankel, Schprintzeh, Mendel? – I can swear I only see about 1/5 of all of us!"
  17. "So, let me get this straight, Your middle name is Asher?"
  18. “Hey, who used up all the toilet paper at this here river?”
  19. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, just a minute, there are some more jewels over there!”
  20. "Huh!, coulda swore I picked more mahn than that."
  21. “Special combs, rosemary, eucalyptus oil – nothing seems to work, but I bet if we were to send our kids to a Jewish gan, they'd still let them in!”
  22. "Hmmm, what a curious incident of the dogs in the night."
  23. “So, girls, why not invite that nice strong, young man over for dinner?”
  24. "Ah, so that's the shape of the moon, thanks!"
  25. “Swell, first the lights go out, now I can’t even move!”
  26. “Barefoot, huh?” continued on next page
  27. “Hey, why are you tying me to that bedpost?”
  28. “Follow you where? Why can’t we just go to Florida like the other Jews?”

Answers:
1. Nachshon at Yam Suf; 2.The "new" Pharaoh; 3. Tzipora; 4. Egyptians during plague of darkness; 5. Jewish women; 6. The Egyptian Magic-makers; 7. Miriam, Moshe's sister to bat Pharaoh; 8. Jewish Tailors in desert; 9. Egyptians during plague of frogs; 10. Jewish nation; 11. Egyptians at Red Sea; 12. Moshe; 13. Moshe/Yehoshua; 14. Moshe before killing Egyptian; 15. Amron upon Moshe's birth; 16. Jewish nation; 17. Moshe to Hashem at sneh bush; 18. Pharaoh in the mornings; 19. Jewish nation at Yam Suf; 20. Jewish nation; 21. Egyptians during plague of lice; 22. Jewish nation leaving Egypt; 23. Yitro, Zipora's father; 24. Moshe to Hashem; 25. Egyptians during plague of darkness; 26. Moshe to Hashem at sneh; 27. Pascal lambs; 28. Jewish people
haggadah Section: Introduction

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