THE SEARCHING FOR AND REMOVAL OF THE HAMETZ

LARRY WATCHES AS HIS MANAGER AND BEST FRIEND, JEFF GREENE, AND JEFF’S WIFE, SUSIE, EAGERLY SEARCH FOR HAMETZ AROUND THEIR HOUSE.

LARRY DAVID

What is this? What are you guys doing?

SUSIE GREENE

What do you mean, what are we doing? We’re searching for Hametz?

LARRY DAVID

Since when do you care about Hametz?  I’ve gone to Italian restaurants with you the night after Seders?



 

SUSIE GREENE

That was before Rabbi Rebecca and her Center and most importantly…

JEFF GREENE

Hashem.

LARRY DAVID

No! Not you two, too.

SUSIE GREENE

It’s a miracle, Lar. We’ve tried couples therapy. With the most expensive psychologists in this city. For years. Decades. And nothing ever worked. But the last month of daily workshops at Rabbi Rebecca’s Center and…

LARRY DAVID

What? She’s healed everything?

SUSIE GREENE

Not her. Hashem did. Including my fibromyalgia.

JEFF GREENE

It’s true. And I lost eighteen pounds. Chai!

LARRY LOOKS INCREDULOUSLY AT JEFF.

LARRY DAVID

Jeff, are you hametzing serious with this hametz?

JEFF GREENE

Yes. I am. And we are. And could you please stop using that bad language?

LARRY DAVID

What bad language? Hametz? I can’t say hametz anymore? You’re not saying hametzing hametz anymore?

JEFF GREENE

At least not for Passover.

LARRY DAVID

Why? 

JEFF GREENE

Along with physical Hametz, all leavened bread. We’re also clearing away all spiritual Hametz.

LARRY DAVID

What the hametz is spiritual Hametz?

SUSIE GREENE
What is there not to get? It’s all that mishegas in your head. We have to sweep up all that sick mishegas in that sick head of yours, Larry! That sick mind, body, and soul. Sweep up all the sick mishegas in it. And burn it!

LARRY DAVID

Burn it?!

SUSIE GREENE

Burn it.

JEFF GREENE

Should we say the prayer?


 

SUSIE GREENE

Yes, let’s say the prayer.

EVERYONE:

KHCJZ7WwnIKpRkeKQiSj_AQiNEnjAs7Y7o72qga51FM30SMClx9vAJ0Nktg9TAGGRTzCrev-u517_H6AKHQesD3-2IDvCUXiQTn9q20WFbt98AFB3eagQ1IY0NVWytr4DZfM143X

Baruch atah Ad-nai, Eloheinu Melech ha’olam, asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu al biur Hametz.

Praised are You, our G-d, who blesses us and instructs us to remove Hametz.

LARRY DAVID

This whole thing sounds like mishegas to me.


haggadah Section: Introduction
Source: from Curb Your Haggadah available in full at: amazon.com/author/davecowen