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Four Children - Four Questions
Contributed by Michael Greenberg

  • TOP HAGGADAHS FOR 2023

Four Sons, Four Questions
by Rabbi Tom Meyer


How do the Four Sons relate to the Four Questions? And what does it mean for us today?


The wise son corresponds to the first of the Four Questions: "On all other nights we eat chametz, on this night matzah."
Matzah is the most basic food imaginable.  The essence of wisdom is to get back to the essentials, the understanding of
what's life about. Pull back from your ego and see what really counts. That's the wise son.

The evil son says: "What's all this Passover stuff to you? I don't need this."  He excludes himself from the Jewish people. He's mocking, making fun of it all.  He's not really even asking a question.  Why isn't the evil son placed last? Isn't he the worst? Why did the Sages list him after the wise son? Because even though the evil son is fighting, at least he's engaged in the discussion and you've got somebody to talk to. He's alert and thinking. If you can turn him around, you've got another wise son. You may ask why the evil son is listed here at all? Because he's still part of the Jewish people. We have to make an effort to reach him.

This parallels the second of the Four Questions: "On this night we eat bitter herbs." The evil son represents bitterness.  On the surface, he says "Who needs God? I want the fancy house and the expensive car." He may appear happy, but because he's spent a lifetime trading in "meaning" for bodily desires, in the quiet moments he senses how bitter life really is.  To be chasing your desires is a bitter trap.  That's Marror.

The third son is the simple son. He's not stupid; he's just simple and plain. He may not be an intellectual, but he wants to do the right thing.  The third son corresponds to the third question: "On this night we dip twice."  The simple son relates to the experiential aspect of Judaism. He's the type of person who takes a trip to Israel, gets inspired and asks himself the question, "What is life all about?"

Unfortunately it's often anti-Semitism that focuses the third son. We dip into salt water which represents the tears of the Jews. The biggest thing holding Jews together in today is the fear of Israel falling and the memory of the Holocaust.

The fourth son is the one who doesn't know how to ask. So what do we tell him?  "Because of this that God did for me…"  The fourth son is apathetic. He's not thinking and he doesn't much care. So we tell him the same answer we give to the evil son - because apathy can be very easily turn into hate and rejection. And that's why this son is listed last. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

The fourth son corresponds to the fourth question: "On all other nights, we eat sitting or reclining." At the Seder, we're free and we should use that opportunity to direct ourselves toward meaning. But the apathetic son is laid back and could go either way. He could change and care, or he'll just slump back and go to sleep.

The hardest thing about reaching Jews today is they're apathetic.

In truth, each of us is a composite of these four sons, the four types of Jews. To some extent, we're all searching and thinking - like the first son. Yet sometimes we treat life as a joke and we rebel - like the second son. And sometimes it takes a shocking experience to arouse us to think and change - like the third son. And at times we feel apathetic, walking around in a daze - like the fourth son. These are the four sons within each of us.
haggadah Section: -- Four Children

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