Our tradition speaks of how four different types of morons reacting differently to the Passover seder. It is our job to make our story accessible to all the members of our community, so we think about how we might best reach each type of moron:

The Zack Greinke moron asks,    What are the testimonies and laws which God commanded you?

We should read this moron the entire book of Exodus, reciting every single statute and law, such as "Do not cook a young goat in its mother's milk". When we are finally done, everybody will be tired, and the moron will be asleep not listening. Because although this moron tried to be wise, this moron is really just a smart-ass. 

The Trevor Bauer moron asks,    So it is okay to cook an older goat in its mother's milk? That's fucking stupid! To hell with your ritual, and to hell with you!"

Trevor Bauer is far removed from suffering, and thus has lost the essence of the teachings. This moron usually recieves a new iPhone every year, despite having a perfectly good one. You might ask say to this moron: “If you had been in Egypt, would you have been redeemed? No, because you would be too busy filming yourself for social media." Then give the moron a 40 million dollar contract.

The Justin Turner moron asks,    What is this?

To this moron, answer plainly: “Thank you for staying with the Dodgers as they leave Egypt into the promise land". Then the simple moron might then say, "I only re-signed because they gave me enough money". 

What about the moron who doesn’t know how to ask a question?

We teach this kid how to bunt, play a couple of years of tee-ball, then hope that he still likes baseball enough to go to Dodger games.


haggadah Section: -- Four Children