The breaking of the matzah reflects the struggle of dual identity most LGBT+ Jewish individuals face. When we are not free to live as we are, we are often compelled to put on a mask, dividing our Jewish selves and GLBTQA selves, our public selves and our private selves, and creating a rift we often navigate in silence. Just as we hide the afikomen, we hide parts of ourselves, compartmentalizing our lives in order to survive. God too hides from us.

Silently, break the middle matzah.
Set the larger piece as the afi koman
and wrap it in a napkin. The smaller
piece is saved for the hamotzi.

God revealed only God’s back and only to Moses on one special occasion. When the high priest entered the Holy of Holies – the place in which God dwelled – within the Temple, he would fi ll it will incense so that he would not see God and be killed by what he saw. God hides the meaning of God from us, just as LGBT+ Jewish people hide their identities, their purpose and meaning, from others and from themselves.

This hiding both protects us and destroys us. How much more peaceful and loving would our world be if we all knew the meaning of God? How much more peaceful and loving would it be if we were not compelled to hide the most meaningful parts of ourselves? And yet, God hides to protect us from God’s power, and we hide to protect ourselves from loss. Hiding too, has its purpose.


haggadah Section: Yachatz
Source: MaNishtana Haggadah