Ancient Egyptian Childcare

After the 3-month social distancing period, Yocheved took the baby and went with Miriam, her daughter, to the river Nile, a big river in Egypt. She put the basket in the river, where it floating slowly on the water rocking the baby to sleep. It was OK because this was basically an ancient Egyptian car seat. Then she told Miriam to hide in the tall grass and watch the baby. Then Yocheved went back to work. This was also OK because this was basically ancient Egyptian childcare at its best.

Deep thoughts: Imagine this is your baby. You are so afraid that he will not be safe that you wrap him up and hide him in a basket. Is it hard to let him go? Will he be ok? Who will find him? How do you feel as the basket floats away?

As it happened, at that moment, the Pharaoh’s beautiful daughter, the princess of Egypt, was bathing in the Nile, which she preferred because the Pharaoh’s bathroom still smelled faintly of grain. She noticed this baby floating past in a basket, and she said, “I shall keep this baby, as apparently it does not belong to anybody!” Yes, she was beautiful, but dumber than a brick.

Miriam stepped out from behind the tall grass and offered to raise the baby and have her mom (who of course was Yocheved, the baby’s real mother) be the nurse. The Pharaoh’s daughter was like, “Sure!” So bottom line – this woman went out to take a bath and came home with a baby and two new domestic employees. We can only imagine what she would have done with a credit card.

So Miriam ran and fetched her mom, Yocheved, to help the princess raise the baby. Yocheved was very happy because she could now be with her own son! This was actually a pretty good fate for her baby, considering she hooked him up with some pretty serious waves on the Nile without a helmet or even straps! Dude! What were you thinking?

But this all had to be done so that they could come up with the baby’s name, which was basically an ancient Egyptian Baby Name Reveal. They called the baby Moshe, because they “brought him out” of the water. And from this point on, Moshe was destined to focus on the “bringing out” in life. Bringing sheep down from the mountain. Bringing the Israelites out of Egypt. Bringing the crap out of an Egyptian for hurting a Jew. You get the idea.


haggadah Section: -- Exodus Story