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Introduction
Source : Revenge of Dinah: A Feminist Seder on Rape Culture in the Jewish Community

Shedding light on our culture of permissiveness toward sexual violence, illuminating the truth of its damaging consequences, and bringing it out of the shadows, we kindle the candles to create light where, for many survivors of rape and sexual violence, there is only darkness. We hope to light a path to healing with our candles. We also consider these candles as a yahrzeit (memorial) to remember those who have lost their lives to sexual violence and rape.

Every person sitting at the table may light one candle while reciting in either Hebrew or English the following:

Together, we say:
May these candles, lit on the Festival of Freedom, bring light into our hearts and minds. May they renew our courage to act for justice and freedom here and now. May they illuminate the path to truth, justice and peace. And so we repeat the ancient blessing:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ לְהַדלִיק נֵר שֶׁל יוֹם טוֹב

Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha-olam,
asher kiddishanu b’mitzvotav, v’tzivanu lehadlik neir shel Yom Tov.

We praise God, spirit of everything, who has made us distinct through
Your directives and has directed us to kindle the holiday lights.

Introduction
Source : Rabbi Avi Killip

The Order of the Seder in Haiku, by Rabbi Avi Killip

קדש
this holy moment
wine sobers and sanctifies
the seder begins

ורחץ 
grimy from egypt
we wash ourselves clean and wait
ready for freedom

כרפס
we celebrate life
by dipping into our tears
another springtime

יחץ
matzah; made to break
teaching us to find within
an afikoman

מגיד
a good story is
worth hearing again this year
tell me one more time

רחצה
wash before blessing
shhh, its a quiet moment 
only then we eat

מוציא מצה
bread of affliction
even you need to be blessed
Hamotzi Matza

מרור
when our bitter herb
is really just a garnish
we are privileged

כורך
once upon a time
Hillel made the first sandwich 
bitter with the sweet

שולחן עורך 
brisket;matzo balls;
gefilte fish from the jar
--so worth waiting for!

צפון
hidden or stolen
it always tasted sweeter
ritual dessert

ברך
on this night we bless
singing together, aloud 
like when we were kids

הלל
holy Redeemer
who leads us to promised lands
to you we sing praise

נירצה
let’s do it again
next year in Jerusalem
or tomorrow night

Kadesh, Urchatz, Karpas, Yachatz, Maggid, Rachtzah, Motzie, Matzah, Maror, Korech, Shulchan Orech, Tzafun, Beirach, Hallel, Nirtzah.

Sanctify, Wash, Appetizer, Break, Tell, Wash, Motzie, Eat Matzah, Bitter, Wrap, Set the Table, Hidden, Bless, Praise, Accepted.

Urchatz
Source : www.trishaarlin.com

As we wash our hands
We pray,
Blessed is the Soul of the Universe,
Breathing us in and breathing us out.
May our breaths continue
And our health and the health of all
Be preserved
In this time of sickness and fear of sickness.
Holy Wholeness,
We take as much responsibility for this as we can
By observing the obligation to wash our hands
Thoroughly:
For as long as it takes to say this prayer.
Amen

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה הָ׳ אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ עַל נְטִילַת יָדַיִם

Karpas
Source : Loolwa Khazzoom (from The Women's Seder Sourcebook)

When I was a little girl, Ashkenazim regularly explained my family’s “difference” with the following refrain: “Oh, you’re from Iraq. You were under Arab influence. That’s why you don’t do things the normal way.”  I remember trying to wrap my brain around that statement – assuming the adults should know more than me. I thought that rabbis – and teachers were aware that Sarah and Abraham came from Iraq, that the first yeshivas were in Iraq, and that the Talmud was written in Iraq. I thought they knew that Passover took place in Egypt and that Purim took place in Iran. I thought it was obvious to them that the Jewish holiday cycle was based on a Middle Eastern calendar and that Mizrahi and Sephardi communities predated Ashkenazi communities by thousands of years. So why, I wondered, do they see our traditions as being the result of Arab influence? If anything, why don’t they see their traditions as being the result of European influence?
As we bless the parsley and dip it in lemon juice, let us notice if we wonder, “Why lemon juice instead of salt water?” And if we do, let us begin to ask the question, “Why salt water instead of lemon juice?” As my mother always answers, “It’s because they didn’t have lemon trees in Poland!”

Yachatz

"We are instructed in the Holiness Code to treat the strangers in our midst with justice and compassion:

"When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall do him no wrong. The stranger who sojourns with you shall be to you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself for you were strangers in the land of Egypt” (Leviticus 19:33).

This teaching permeates Jewish tradition and is echoed 35 times in the Torah – the most repeated of any commandment. The history of the Jewish people from Egypt through the Holocaust until today reminds us of the many struggles faced by immigrants throughout the world. As a community of immigrants, we are charged to pursue justice, seek peace and build a society that is welcoming to all of God's creatures, regardless of their immigration status.

In Genesis, three strangers visit Abraham, and he welcomes them into his home and into his heart without question (Genesis 18:1-22). This virtue of hachnasat orchim, welcoming the stranger, drives both our commitment to protecting undocumented immigrants from deportation and our dedication to the hospitality and inclusion of all people."

—Excerpt from the Union for Reform Judaism's Resolution on Protecting Individuals at Risk of Deportation from the United States

Yachatz
Source : Original: Trisha Arlin http://triganza.blogspot.com/

The top Matzoh

And bottom Matzoh are,

it is said,

Pesach substitutes

For the two loaves of challah on Shabbat,

Supposedly a reminder

Of the two portions of manna

They received  in the dessert

Every Friday before Shabbat.

 

But the middle matza?!

Ah,

That's for the seder.

We break it in half

And call it the bread of affliction,

Just like the unleavened bread

We ate as we fled slavery

 

Matza Number Two,

The afflicted matza,

We break it in half

And separate ourselves from joy

So we don't forget the pain

That has been ours.

We break it in half

And separate ourselves from the joy

So we can remember the pain

Of others.

All this pain

Lives in this first half of the afflicted matzoh

And we eat this half now,

So that we do not forget that we were slaves

So that we do not enslave others.

 

But--

We separate the second half of the afflicted matza

(The Afikomen)

From all that hurt

So that we don't forget the  joy that can follow the sorrow.

So that we don't forget the times that we changed things for the better.

And after the meal we will search for that happiness

And we will find it.

And then we eat the Afikomen together

So we don't forget that it is good to be alive

 And we are obligated to share that joy.

Blessed One-ness, we are so grateful for the obligations to remember pain and share joy.

Amen

 

-- Four Children
Source : Love and Justice Haggadah

It is a tradition at the Seder to include a section entitled “the Four Children.” We have turned it upside down, to remind us that as adults we have a lot to learn from youth. From the U.S. to South Africa to Palestine, young people have been, and are, at the forefront of most of the social justice movements on this planet. If there is a mix of ages of people at your seder, perhaps some of the older people would like to practice asking questions, and the younger folks would like to respond:

The Angry Adult – Violent and oppressive things are happening to me, the people I love and people I don’t even know. Why can’t we make the people in power hurt the way we are all hurting? Hatred and violence can never overcome hatred and violence. Only love and compassion can transform our world. 

Cambodian Buddhist monk Maha Ghosananda, whose family was killed by the Khmer Rouge, has written:  It is a law of the universe that retaliation, hatred, and revenge only continue the cycle and never stop it. Reconciliation does not mean that we surrender rights and conditions, but means rather that we use love in all our negotiations. It means that we see ourselves in the opponent -- for what is the opponent but a being in ignorance, and we ourselves are also ignorant of many things. Therefore, only loving kindness and right-mindfulness can free us.

The Ashamed Adult – I’m so ashamed of what my people are doing that I have no way of dealing with it?!? We must acknowledge our feelings of guilt, shame and disappointment, while ultimately using the fire of injustice to fuel us in working for change. We must also remember the amazing people in all cultures, who are working to dismantle oppression together everyday. 

Marianne Williamson said:  “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of G-d. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of G-d that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

The Fearful Adult – Why should I care about ‘those people’ when they don’t care about me? If I share what I have, there won’t be enough and I will end up suffering. We must challenge the sense of scarcity that we have learned from capitalism and our histories of oppression. If we change the way food, housing, education, and resources are distributed, we could all have enough.

Martin Luther King said:  It really boils down to this: that all life is interrelated. We are all caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied into a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. We are made to live together because of the interrelated structure of reality.

The Compassionate Adult – How can I struggle for justice with an open heart? How can we live in a way that builds the world we want to live in, without losing hope? This is the question that we answer with our lives.

Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel wrote:  Just to be is a blessing. Just to live is holy. And yet being alive is no answer to the problems of living. To be or not to be is not the question. The vital question is: how to be and how not to be…to pray is to recollect passionately the perpetual urgency of this vital question.

Anne Frank wrote:  It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all of my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death. I see the world gradually being turned into a wilderness, I hear the ever approaching thunder, which will destroy us too; I can feel the sufferings of millions and yet, if I look up into the heavens, I think that it will all come right, that this cruelty too will end and that peace and tranquility will return again. In the meantime, I must uphold my ideals, for perhaps the time will come when I shall be able to carry them out."

Each of us bears in our own belly the angry one, the ashamed one, the frightened one, the compassionate one. Which of these children shall we bring to birth? Only if we can deeply hear all four of them can we truthfully answer the fourth question. Only if we can deeply hear all four of them can we bring to birth a child, a people that is truly wise.

--------------

from the Love and Justice in Times of War Haggadah , compiled and created by Dara Silverman and Micah Bazant

-- Exodus Story
Source : Pesha Leichter (lyrics), Stephen Stills (melody)

Sung to Buffalo Springfield’s "For What It's Worth"

There’s something happening here
Pharaoh's law, we don't want to hear 
Baby boys to be killed, they're too dear
Shifra & Puah, they have no (they have no) fear.

     I think it's time we stop
     Children, what's that sound?
     Everybody look - what's going down?

Moses saw the burning bush
God's voice boomed, from it and gushed,
"Go back to Egypt, free the slaves
Don't worry, (don’t worry) when Pharaoh raves."

     Pharaoh's got to stop
     Yeah, what’s that sound,
     Everybody look what’s going round

Blood, frogs, lice and more
The plagues, brought lots of gore
After the slayin,' of the first born
Everyone's heart was fiercely (was fiercely) torn

     Then Pharoah said, "Stop,
     Israelites, get out of town
     Everyone sees what going down."

The Israelites were pleased to flee
Especially when God, split the Red Sea
Pharaoh's army didn't make it through
The sea came back & they drowned (they drowned) in the stew.

     The army said “stop
     Hey, what's that sound?
     Too much water - we are going to drown.”

At the seder, we tell this tale
For each generation, it will never be stale
We sit & drink, four cups of wine
Sayin' this seder (this seder) is very fine

     We can’t stop                          
     Hey, what have we found?
     To freedom & justice we are bound.

-- Ten Plagues
by HIAS
Source : HIAS Haggadah 2019
10 Plagues

Remembering the ten plagues that God brought upon the Egyptians when Pharaoh refused to free the Israelites, we have the opportunity now to recognize that the world is not yet free of adversity and struggle. This is especially true for refugees and asylum seekers. After you pour out a drop of wine for each of the ten plagues that Egypt suffered, we invite you to then pour out drops of wine for ten modern plagues facing refugee communities worldwide and in the United States. After you have finished reciting the plagues, choose a few of the expanded descriptions to read aloud.

VIOLENCE

Most refugees initially flee home because of violence that may include sexual and gender-based violence, abduction, or torture. The violence grows as the conflicts escalate. Unfortunately, many refugees become victims of violence once again in their countries of first asylum. A 2013 study found that close to 80% of refugees from the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) living in Kampala, Uganda had experienced sexual and gender-based violence either in the DRC or in Uganda.

DANGEROUS JOURNEYS

Forced to flee their home due to violence and persecution, refugees may make the dangerous journey to safety on foot, by boat, in the back of crowded vans, or riding on the top of train cars. Over the last several years, the United States has seen record numbers of unaccompanied minors fleeing violence in Central America. Many of these children have survived unimaginably arduous journeys, surviving abduction, abuse, and rape. Erminia was just 15 years old when she came to the United States from El Salvador in 2013. After her shoes fell apart while she walked through the Texas desert, she spent three days and two nights walking in only her socks. “There were so many thorns,” she recalls, “and I had to walk without shoes. The entire desert.”15

LACK OF ACCESS TO EDUCATION

The 1951 Convention Relating to the Status of Refugees affirms that the right to education applies to refugees. However, research shows that refugee children face far greater language barriers and experience more discrimination in school settings than the rest of the population.16 Muna, age 17 in 2016, a Syrian refugee living in Jordan, who dropped out of school, said, “We can’t get educated at the cost of our self-respect.”17

XENOPHOBIA

Just as a 1939 poll from the American Institute of Public Opinion found that more than 60% of Americans opposed bringing Jewish refugees to the United States in the wake of World War II, today we still see heightened xenophobia against refugees. This fear can manifest through workplace discrimination, bias attacks against Muslim refugees, anti-refugee legislation such as the American SAFE Act of 2015 (H.R. 4038) which passed the House but was thankfully defeated in the Senate, and the various Executive Orders issued in 2017 and 2018 to limit refugees’ ability to come to the United States.

Rachtzah
Source : John Perry Barlow

Be patient.
Expand your sense of the possible.
Expect no more of anyone than you can deliver yourself.
Concern yourself with what is right rather than who is right.
Never forget that, no matter how certain, you might be wrong.
Learn the needs of those around you and respect them.
Avoid the pursuit of happiness. Seek to define your mission and pursue that.
Understand humility.
Foster dignity.
Endure.

10 of the 25 "Principles of Adult Behavior" , by John Perry Barlow.

Tzafun
Hallel
Source : http://jwa.org/blog/passover-poetry-re-telling-story-of-our-own-lives

Freedom. It isn’t once, to walk outunder the Milky Way, feeling the riversof light, the fields of dark—freedom is daily, prose-bound, routineremembering. Putting together, inch by inchthe starry worlds. From all the lost collections.

"For Memory,"  A Wild Patience Has Taken Me This Far

Hallel
Source : Lynn Ungar

Pandemic

What if you thought of it
as the Jews consider the Sabbath—
the most sacred of times?
Cease from travel.
Cease from buying and selling.
Give up, just for now,
on trying to make the world
different than it is.
Sing. Pray. Touch only those
to whom you commit your life.
Center down.
 
And when your body has become still,
reach out with your heart.
Know that we are connected
in ways that are terrifying and beautiful.
(You could hardly deny it now.)
Know that our lives
are in one another’s hands.
(Surely, that has come clear.)
Do not reach out your hands.
Reach out your heart.
Reach out your words.
Reach out all the tendrils
of compassion that move, invisibly,
where we cannot touch.
 
Promise this world your love–
for better or for worse,
in sickness and in health,
so long as we all shall live.
 
–Lynn Ungar 3/11/20

Nirtzah
by Hila
Source : http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/23323#sthash.yAi4L9Ly.dpuf

won't you celebrate with me
what i have shaped into
a kind of life? i had no model.
born in babylon both nonwhite and woman
what did i see to be except myself?
i made it up
here on this bridge between
starshine and clay, my one hand holding tight
my other hand; come celebrate
with me that everyday
something has tried to kill me
and has failed.

Nirtzah
May we be face to face - 2020 Nirtzah for COVID pandemic

לְשָׁנָה הַבָּאָה בְיַחְדָ פָּנִים אֶל־פָּנִים בְאוֹתוֹ מָקוֹם:
Next year may we be face to face, together in the same space.

Commentary / Readings
Source : Jewish World Watch
#SecondSederPlate for Today's Refugees

Passover is replete with symbols. Each item on the traditional seder plate recalls a different part of the Exodus story, and meaningful symbols are being added all the time.

This year, Jewish World Watch suggests creating a Second Seder Plate for your table, to help you identify with the realities of the tragic present being experienced by so many people today in JWW’s areas of focus. About a third of those fleeing genocide and mass atrocities today live as refugees under dire conditions outside their native countries.

You can adapt your Second Seder Plate to reflect your own concerns. The one we have created contains new symbols for age-old problems – and in some cases offers some modern solutions – focused on the vulnerable populations Jewish World Watch serves across the globe.

We hope your Second Seder Plate will inspire new conversations at your seder and encourage everyone around the table to take action to help those in need. Chag sameach.

To download full-color PDF copies of this guide, please visit jww.org/SederSederPlate. And please don't forget to share: #SecondSederPlate

-

Why is a tomato on our Second Seder Plate?

The tomato reminds us that everyone needs food to survive, but displaced people often don’t get sufficient rations. Creating a garden, however, is possible, even in an African refugee camp. No space? No water? No seeds or good soil? No problem. You can grow a lot with limited resources thanks to perma-gardening, a highly efficient farming system that allows refugees to grow nutritious crops year-round by using improved soil fertilization methods and wastewater.

FACT: More than 300,000 Darfuris currently live in refugee camps in eastern Chad, their home since fleeing the genocide that began in 2003. The food rations they receive are not enough to live on.

ACT: Through perma-gardening, Darfuri refugees can produce their own food and become more self-reliant. Donate to help Jewish World Watch provide a refugee family with the skills and tools to start a perma-garden.

DISCUSS: How can you create your own efficient garden?

Learn more about Jewish World Watch’s perma-gardening efforts at jww.org/perma-gardening

-

Why is a glass of water on our Second Seder Plate?

Unlike the salt water on our traditional seder plate, which symbolizes our enslaved ancestors’ bitter tears, this water represents a source of hope. Fresh water is in short supply in the refugee settlements housing survivors who fled atrocities in South Sudan, but drilling new wells can provide clean water.

FACT: More than 2 million South Sudanese have fled civil war and man-made famine. Many have settled in overcrowded camps in northern Uganda, where there is deplorable sanitation and not enough safe water.

ACT: Jewish World Watch is drilling eight essential wells in Uganda’s Palabek Refugee Settlement this year. With your support we can supply even more clean water for thousands of refugees.

DISCUSS: List all the ways that you could save water on a daily basis.

Learn more about Jewish World Watch’s efforts to drill borehole wells at jww.org/cleanwater

-

Why is a cell phone on our Second Seder Plate?

On most nights, we use our phones to talk, text and check social media, but on this night we turn them off. This phone reminds us of the conflict minerals mined in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, where children are often forced to work under unsafe conditions.

FACT: The mining of tin, tungsten, tantalum, gold and other minerals such as cobalt often supports armed groups in the Congo, and impoverished children are often the ones doing the mining to support their families. Sending Congolese children to school is the best way to keep them from working in the mines, but they need help covering school fees and other related expenses to get an education.

ACT: Research products before you buy them – your cell phone, your hybrid car and more – to make sure the company you’re buying from is making the best effort to responsibly source its materials. Keep children out of mines by helping Jewish World Watch pay for their school fees.

DISCUSS: How do your decisions about what to buy affect others?

Learn more about Jewish World Watch’s efforts to ensure the conflict-free status of mines in the Congo a jww.org/conflictminerals

-

Why are matches on our Second Seder Plate?

Fire isn’t one of the plagues in the Passover story, but it could have been – its destructive nature is well known. For the Rohingya, an ethnic minority living in Myanmar (formerly known as Burma), the military has used fire to destroy many villages in brutal attacks. Survivors urgently need emergency supplies, but the Rohingya also need U.S. lawmakers to pass legislation to help protect them and prevent further violence.

FACT: Since late August, more than 688,000 Rohingya have fled ethnic cleansing in Myanmar and crossed into neighboring Bangladesh, where they have created the world’s largest refugee settlements.

ACT: Ask your representatives to support bills currently being considered in the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives supporting human rights in Myanmar.

DISCUSS: How is it possible that genocide is still happening in the 21st century?

Learn more about Jewish World Watch’s advocacy efforts and send a letter to your representatives at action.jww.org

-

Why is a toy on our Second Seder Plate?

A disturbing number of today’s refugees are children. Across the globe, nearly 1 child in 200 is a refugee. This adds up to tens of millions of children displaced by violence, poverty and other factors. Whole generations are being born in refugee camps, where they often lack proper nutrition, education and opportunities to play.

FACT: Some 8.6 million Syrian children are in immediate need of aid. Some 2.6 million Syrian children are living as refugees or on the run. Of the more than 688,000 Rohingya who have fled Myanmar for camps in Bangladesh since August, nearly 400,000 are children.

ACT: Support Jewish World Watch’s many programs offering educational assistance to children and the schools that serve them.

DISCUSS: How do you think violence and displacement affect children?

Learn more about Jewish World Watch’s efforts to educate displaced children at jww.org/projects

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Why is a bandage on our Second Seder Plate?

Too many innocent people wounded during Syria’s civil war lack life-saving medical aid because large humanitarian organizations cannot enter areas being actively bombed. Jewish World Watch has partnered with an organization that transports essential supplies directly to doctors working to save lives deep inside the heart of the conflict.

FACT: Syria’s civil war has killed nearly 500,000 people – 55,000 of them children. It has also left half of the country’s population displaced.

ACT: Support Jewish World Watch’s efforts to transport supplies to doctors and hospitals in the heart of the conflict.

DISCUSS: What would it be like to be wounded and without adequate medical supplies?

Learn more about Jewish World Watch’s medical shipments in Syria at jww.org/syria

Commentary / Readings
Source : Source: The Wisdom of Heschel”
“People of our time are losing the power of celebration. Instead of celebrating we seek to be amused or entertained. Celebration is an active state, an act of expressing reverence or appreciation. To be entertained is a passive state--it is to receive pleasure afforded by an amusing act or a spectacle.... Celebration is a confrontation, giving attention to the transcendent meaning of one's actions. ― Abraham Joshua Heschel

This is what every Seder is about. Celebration of freedom, expressing reverence, appreciation, and confronting who we were and who we have become.

Commentary / Readings
Source : Dr. Martin Luther King, "Beyond Vietnam: A Time to Break Silence”
MLK Quote

Commentary / Readings
Source : https://www.movingtraditions.org/passover-metoo-and-a-mirror-on-your-seder-plate
By Rabbi Tamara Cohen

We sit down for our seders this year at a powerful cultural moment when the voices of women and girls are rising – the collective activism of #metoo, Emma Gonzales’s six minutes of silence and 11-year-old African American Naomi Wadler’s speech at the March for Our Lives, and even the truth telling of Stephanie Clifford, also known as Stormy Daniels.

All this makes the absence of women’s voices in the Passover Haggadah more glaring. Thirty years ago, feminists began adding Miriam and the midwives to our seders. This year, to address the #metoo movement and our societal need for deep reckoning around gender, sexuality, and power, it is time to take a step further.

I propose that we do so by adding mirrors to our seder plates this year.

Before proceeding, a warning. The Rabbinic midrash that introduces the role of women’s mirrors in the Exodus imagines a past peopled only by heterosexual married couples. It ends with the birth of many, many children, as if there were only one ultimate path for women to contribute to the Jewish future. This is enough to keep some of us away. But I think that there is something about the significance of the mirror in this story that we all need to pay attention to.

Mirrors to Awaken and Embolden

Midrash Tanchuma describes how the Israelite women defied Pharaoh’s decree prohibiting sexual relations. The women made picnics in the fields for their labor-weary partners and then led them in playful flirtation.

As translated by Aviva Zornberg, “The women would take mirrors and look into them with their husbands. A woman would say, ‘I am more beautiful than you,’ and then he would say, ‘I am more beautiful than you.’ As a result they would accustom themselves to desire and they were fruitful and multiplied.”

Notice the steps here: the women take the lead, they are playful, they begin by seeing themselves as desirable – and with these crucial elements develop positive intimacy.

The mirror is a tool these women use to not only affirm their inherent self-worth but to educate and awaken men to their own inherent self-worth so that they can meet as equals.

I hope the story about the righteous women of Exodus will be a powerful source of inspiration for girls and women who are in the process of claiming their right to have and to express desire of all kinds. Those who walk in the world as men and boys can also learn from these ancient mirrors. Boys and men need mirrors that show them a vision different from what media and society encourage them to see. Rather than a distorted, oversized sense of themselves or a projected masculinity dependent on dominating women and less powerful men, boys need mirrors to help them see who they really are and can be — as human beings in need of love and validation, play, respect, boundaries, and freedom. I hope they will take from this story the heritage of sharing the lead more often, in all arenas of their lives as a surprisingly liberating pathway to their own freedom as boys and men.

My hope is that transgender and non-binary teens will also find ways to use these ancient mirrors to recognize their own beauty and to have the sharing of their self-knowledge be greeted by parents, peers, and the larger community with appreciation for the diversity of human gender as a wondrous expression of what it means to be free.

Mirrors Help Teens Resist

I have seen teens receive such “mirrors” through the work of Moving Traditions, where teens of all genders come to appreciate their own multi-faceted beauty, see one another as subjects, and resist the tyranny of gender norms and scripts that get in the way of their forming healthy relationships, connections, and expressions of their emerging sexuality.

This year I will put mirrors on my Seder table. I will tell the midrash making changes in my telling to add friends in the fields and couples of various genders. I will use the mirrors to playfully challenge the kids at our table to think more broadly about how they see themselves – beyond their physical selves. I will talk with them about how beautiful they are when they allow themselves to be themselves. The adults at the table will share stories of our journeys to free ourselves from gender norms and scripts, stories of how we came to learn that love and desire grow from positive self-love and from mutuality and equality.

This is a year for every seder to take a step toward becoming more feminist. Because, as bell hooks writes, “A genuine feminist politics always brings us from bondage to freedom, from lovelessness to loving.” Because “dayenu, v’lo dayennu,” the changes we have witnessed and been part of this year are powerful steps on the journey, but not yet enough.

Rabbi Tamara R. Cohen is the Chief of Innovation at Moving Traditions. She is also the editor of the Ma’yan Haggadah available at ritualwell.org.

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