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All Jewish celebrations, from holidays to weddings, include wine as a symbol of our joy – not to mention a practical way to increase that joy. The seder starts with wine and then gives us three more opportunities to refill our cup and drink.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָּפֶן
Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, borei p’ree hagafen.
We praise God, Ruler of Everything, who creates the fruit of the vine.
We praise God, Ruler of Everything, who chose us from all peoples and languages, and sanctified us with commandments, and lovingly gave to us special times for happiness, holidays and this time of celebrating the Holiday of Matzah, the time of liberation, reading our sacred stories, and remembering the Exodus from Egypt. For you chose us and sanctified us among all peoples. And you have given us joyful holidays. We praise God, who sanctifies the people of Israel and the holidays.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם
שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּ וְהִגִּיעָנוּ לַזְּמַן הַזֶּה
Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha-olam,
she-hechiyanu v’key’manu v’higiyanu lazman hazeh.
We praise God, Ruler of Everything,
who has kept us alive, raised us up, and brought us to this happy moment.
Drink the first glass of wine!
Urchatz- (Washing of the hands) According to the Jewish law we are obligated to wash our hands before we partake in the Karpas or dipping the vegetables in salt water. We do not say a blessing at this point in the service while washing our hands.
Urchatz ― "Why do we wash our hands at this point in this Seder?" the Talmud asks. "Because it is an unusual activity which prompts the children to ask questions." The very name Haggadah means "telling," for the goal of the Seder is to arouse curious questions, and provide satisfying answers. (aish.com)
Eric’s tradition- instead of getting up and washing hands one person comes around with a bowl and water to wash hands
Passover, like many of our holidays, combines the celebration of an event from our Jewish memory with a recognition of the cycles of nature. As we remember the liberation from Egypt, we also recognize the stirrings of spring and rebirth happening in the world around us. The symbols on our table bring together elements of both kinds of celebration.
We now take a vegetable, representing our joy at the dawning of spring after our long, cold winter. Most families use a green vegetable, such as parsley or celery, but some families from Eastern Europe have a tradition of using a boiled potato since greens were hard to come by at Passover time. Whatever symbol of spring and sustenance we’re using, we now dip it into salt water, a symbol of the tears our ancestors shed as slaves. Before we eat it, we recite a short blessing:
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הָאֲדָמָה
Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, borei p’ree ha-adama.
We praise God, Ruler of Everything, who creates the fruits of the earth.
We look forward to spring and the reawakening of flowers and greenery. They haven’t been lost, just buried beneath the snow, getting ready for reappearance just when we most needed them.
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We all have aspects of ourselves that sometimes get buried under the stresses of our busy lives. What has this winter taught us? What elements of our own lives do we hope to revive this spring?
Just a Tad of Haroset (to the tune of "Just a spoon full of sugar")
Chorus:
Just a tad of haroset helps the bitter herbs
go down,
The bitter herbs go down, the bitter herbs go down.
Just a tad of Charoset helps the bitter herbs
go down,
In the most disguising way.
Oh, back in Egypt long ago,
The Jews were slaves under Pharaoh
They sweat and toiled and labored
through the day.
So when we gather Pesach night,
We do what we think right.
Maror, we chew,
To feel what they went through.
Chorus
So after years of slavery
They saw no chance of being free.
Their suffering was the only life they knew.
But baby Moses grew up tall,
And said he'd save them all.
He did, and yet,
We swear we won't forget.
That......
Chorus
While the Maror is being passed,
We all refill our water glass,
Preparing for the taste that turns us red.
Although Maror seems full of minuses,
It sure does clear our sinuses.
But what's to do?
It's hard to be a Jew!!!
Chorus
Pour the second glass of wine for everyone.
The Haggadah doesn’t tell the story of Passover in a linear fashion. We don’t hear of Moses being found by the daughter of Pharaoh – actually, we don’t hear much of Moses at all. Instead, we get an impressionistic collection of songs, images, and stories of both the Exodus from Egypt and from Passover celebrations through the centuries. Some say that minimizing the role of Moses keeps us focused on the miracles God performed for us. Others insist that we keep the focus on the role that every member of the community has in bringing about positive change.
The formal telling of the story of Passover is framed as a discussion with lots of questions and answers. The tradition that the youngest person asks the questions reflects the centrality of involving everyone in the seder. The rabbis who created the set format for the seder gave us the Four Questions to help break the ice in case no one had their own questions. Asking questions is a core tradition in Jewish life. If everyone at your seder is around the same age, perhaps the person with the least seder experience can ask them – or everyone can sing them all together.
מַה נִּשְׁתַּנָּה הַלַּֽיְלָה הַזֶּה מִכָּל הַלֵּילות
Ma nishtana halaila hazeh mikol haleilot?
Why is this night different from all other nights?
שֶׁבְּכָל הַלֵּילוֹת אָֽנוּ אוֹכלין חָמֵץ וּמַצָּה הַלַּֽיְלָה הַזֶּה כֻּלּוֹ מצה
Shebichol haleilot anu ochlin chameitz u-matzah. Halaila hazeh kulo matzah.
On all other nights we eat both leavened bread and matzah.
Tonight we only eat matzah.
שֶׁבְּכָל הַלֵּילוֹת אָֽנוּ אוֹכְלִין שְׁאָר יְרָקוֹת הַלַּֽיְלָה הַזֶּה מָרוֹר
Shebichol haleilot anu ochlin shi’ar yirakot haleila hazeh maror.
On all other nights we eat all kinds of vegetables,
but tonight we eat bitter herbs.
שֶׁבְּכָל הַלֵּילוֹת אֵין אָֽנוּ מַטְבִּילִין אֲפִילוּ פַּֽעַם אחָת הַלַּֽיְלָה הַזֶּה שְׁתֵּי פְעמים
Shebichol haleilot ain anu matbilin afilu pa-am echat. Halaila hazeh shtei fi-amim.
On all other nights we aren’t expected to dip our vegetables one time.
Tonight we do it twice.
שֶׁבְּכָל הַלֵּילוֹת אָֽנוּ אוֹכְלִין בֵּין יוֹשְׁבִין וּבֵין מְסֻבִּין. :הַלַּֽיְלָה הַזֶּה כֻּלָּֽנוּ מְסֻבין
Shebichol haleilot anu ochlin bein yoshvin uvein m’subin. Halaila hazeh kulanu m’subin.
On all other nights we eat either sitting normally or reclining.
Tonight we recline.
The Ballad of the Four Sons(to the tune of "Clementine") wriiten by Ben Aronin in 1948
Said the father to his children,
"At the seder you will dine,
You will eat your fill of matzah,
You will drink four cups of wine."
Now this father had no daughters,
But his sons they numbered four.
One was wise and one was wicked,
One was simple and a bore.
And the fourth was sweet and winsome,
he was young and he was small.
While his brothers asked the questions
he could scarcely speak at all.
Said the wise one to his father
"Would you please explain the laws?
Of the customs of the seder
Will you please explain the cause?"
And the father proudly answered,
"As our fathers ate in speed,
Ate the paschal lamb 'ere midnight
And from slavery were freed."
So we follow their example
And 'ere midnight must complete
All the seder and we should not
After 12 remain to eat.
Then did sneer the son so wicked
"What does all this mean to you?"
And the father's voice was bitter
As his grief and anger grew.
"If you yourself don't consider As son of Israel,
Then for you this has no meaning
You could be a slave as well."
Then the simple son said simply "What is this," and quietly
The good father told his offspring
"We were freed from slavery."
But the youngest son was silent
For he could not ask at all.
His bright eyes were bright with wonder
As his father told him all.
My dear children, heed the lesson
and remember evermore
What the father told his children
Told his sons that numbered four.
Scene 1: In the Desert Moses is galloping (skipping on foot while clopping coconuts together to sound like hoofbeats) across the desert. He comes to a burning bush.
Bush: Halt! Who goes there!
Moses: A shrubbery! A talking shrubbery! One that looks nice, but is not too expensive. It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly.
Bush: Moses! Moses, Leader of the Israelites!
(Moses looks stunned, drops to his knees in awe and bows his head to the ground in front of the burning bush.)
Bush: Oh, don't grovel! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.
Moses: Sorry--
Bush: And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone, it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy". What are you doing now!?
Moses: I'm averting my eyes, oh Lord.
Bush: Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms -- they're so depressing. Now knock it off.
Moses: Yes, Lord.
Bush: Right! Moses, leader of the Israelites your people shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times.
Moses: Good idea, Lord!
Bush: Of course it's a good idea! Behold! This is your task to deliver the Israelites from bondage in Egypt.
Moses: A blessing! But are you sure I shouldn't deliver a pizza instead
Scene 2: In Egypt
Moses: I never wanted to do this job of deliverance in the first place. At least delivering pizzas pays good tips! I wanted to be a lumberjack, even though its a bit hard doing that in the desert.
(Israelites sing) Oh, we're Egyptian slaves. It's not OK. We work all night and we work all day. We quarry blocks and make mud bricks And want to run away!
Scene 3: Asking Pharaoh to leave
Moses approaches Pharaoh and his advisors to ask for permission for the Israelites to leave Egypt.
Pharaoh and his advisors say, "Ni! We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Ping, and Neeee-wommmm! We want a shrubbery!!!"
Moses says, "I already found a shrubbery in the desert. It told me it was God, and told me to deliver the Israelites from bondage in Egypt."
When Pharaoh asks for proof that Moses speaks for God, he shows Pharaoh the holy hand grenade and Aaron pulls the holy pin, making mincemeat of half the advisors.
Scene 4: The Ten Plagues
Killer rabbits.
Dead parrots.
The Spanish Inquisition.
Silly walks.
1000-ton weights.
Plague six. There IS no plague six!
Crunchy frogs.
Spam.
Giant badgers.
The killing of the first born.
The morning after the final plague, the Egyptian garbage collectors roam the streets calling, "Bring out your dead!" People bring corpses of plague victims to the dead cart.
When they start to pick up one body, one of the collectors says, "Wait a bit. He's not dead. He's just resting." A lightning bolt comes out of the sky, hitting the body and killing it. The collectors smile and heave it onto the cart.
Scene 5: The Exodus
Aaron (addressing the assembled Israelite multitude): We need to sneak out of Egypt quickly without Pharaoh's army noticing. In this demonstration, we hope to show how to leave Egypt without being seen. This is Miriam of the Tribe of Levi. She can not be seen. Now I am going to ask her to stand up. Sister Miriam, will you stand up please?
In the distance Miriam stands up. There is a clap of thunder and Miriam crumples to the ground.
Aaron: This demonstrates the value of not being seen
Stop! This is getting too silly!
Scene 6: Arriving at the Red Sea.
The Red Sea guard challenges the fleeing Israelites as they arrive, saying, "None shall pass."
Guard: What is your name?
Moses: Moses.
Guard: What is your quest?
Moses: To reach the Promised Land.
Guard: What are your favorite colors?
Moses: Blue and white.
Guard: You may pass.
The Israelites pass through the Red Sea. Now Pharaoh's army approaches, led by Rameses.
Guard: What is your name? Rameses: Rameses, Pharaoh of Egypt Guard: What is your quest? Rameses: To bring back the fleeing Israelite slaves.
Guard: What is the capital of modern-day Abyssinia
Rameses: I don't know that.
The guard unleashes a flood of water onto Rameses and the army, drowning them all.
Rameses: Auuugh!
Aaron watches awestruck, then asks Moses how he was able to answer the questions so well. Moses says, "You have to know these sorts of things when youre a leader of the Israelites, you know."
Narrator: Forty years later, after wandering around in the desert searching for the Holy Grail, Moses and Joshua stumble across a dragon ship and sail across the river Jordan to swelling music, but just as everything looks like there will be a happy ending ....
Moses: No afikomen here. Let's head back.
And now for something completely different.
Scene 7: The seder plate
To help us remember the story of the first Passover, we have assembled various symbolic foods on a Seder plate. There's egg and spam; shankbone and spam; greens and spam, bitter herbs and spam, charoses and spam, and spam, and spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam matzoh and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam... Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
But I can't eat spam, it's not kosher!
I'll eat yours, dear. I'm Reform
Scene 8: The Four Questions
Setting: A dusty street in an small Egyptian city. Moses: It's time to ask the five questions. Aaron: Four, sir! It's FOUR questions. Moses: Right. Thou shalt ask four. No more. No less. Four shall be the number thou shalt ask, and the number of the asking shall be four. Five shalt thou not ask, nor either ask thou three, excepting that thou then proceed to four.
Enter King Arthur and the Black Knight. King Arthur fights the Black Knight. First King Arthur cuts off the Black Knight's right arm, but he keeps on fighting. Then Arthur cuts off the Black Knight's left arm, followed by his right leg, and then finally cuts off his left leg. The Black Knight keeps fighting. King Arthur turns toward the camera with a puzzled look and asks, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"
Pause. Let the audience groan. Then continue. Yes, we know that's only one question, but who's counting?
Scene 9: Dinner
It's time to eat dinner before finishing the rest of the Haggadah. While eating dinner, make sure to defend yourself against the possibility that the person to your right will attack you with a banana.
Scene 10: The Afikomen
The children are sent out of the room to find the Afikomen. They return, shouting:
Children: An afikomen! An afikomen! An afikomen! We've got an afikomen!: We have found an afikomen, may we eat it?
Father: Eat it! Eat!
Mother: How do you know it is an afikomen?
Children: It looks like one. It has warts on it. And it turned me into a newt!
Scene 11: Elijah's Cup
Well, it's just after eight o'clock, and time for to open the door for Elijah's penguin. (Participant opens the door and in comes a penguin. The penguin explodes.
Scene 12: Conclusion Narrator: We conclude tonight's program with the question, 'Is there life after death?'. And here to discuss this question are three dead people. The late Pharaoh Ramses, former ruler of the kingdom of Egypt, circa 1400 BCE; the late Moshe ben Amram, tribal spokesperson and record holder for longest road trip across the wilderness; and putting forward the view of the Powers that Be, the prophet Elijah the Gileadite. Gentlemen, is there life after death or not? (Prolonged silence)
Well there we have it! Three say "No". On next week's program we'll be discussing the question 'Does the state of France have a right to exist?. And until then, goodnight.
THE END
As we rejoice at our deliverance from slavery, we acknowledge that our freedom was hard-earned. We regret that our freedom came at the cost of the Egyptians’ suffering, for we are all human beings made in the image of God. We pour out a drop of wine for each of the plagues as we recite them.
Dip a finger or a spoon into your wine glass for a drop for each plague.
These are the ten plagues which God brought down on the Egyptians:
Blood | dam | דָּם
Frogs | tzfardeiya | צְפַרְדֵּֽעַ
Lice | kinim | כִּנִּים
Beasts | arov | עָרוֹב
Cattle disease | dever | דֶּֽבֶר
Boils | sh’chin | שְׁחִין
Hail | barad | בָּרָד
Locusts | arbeh | אַרְבֶּה
Darkness | choshech | חֹֽשֶׁךְ
Death of the Firstborn | makat b’chorot | מַכַּת בְּכוֹרוֹת
The Egyptians needed ten plagues because after each one they were able to come up with excuses and explanations rather than change their behavior. Could we be making the same mistakes? Make up your own list. What are the plagues in your life? What are the plagues in our world today? What behaviors do we need to change to fix them?
Narrator 1: The story of Moses has been told and retold. It is a reminder to the Jewish people that once we were slaves in Egypt, but now we are free. Once, we were downhearted, but now we are happy. In our times of despair, it is important for us to remember the miracles performed by a merciful G-d, whose love for His people is never-ending.
And so, this year, as in all years before, for generation upon generation, we tell the story of Passover. Now, I invite you to relax, lean on a pillow, and listen to this tale.
Pharaoh: Yes, I’ll have one order of caviar, with a Diet Pepsi. And Super Size it.
Slave: Yes, your highness. And if I do say so myself, the weather is lovely, is it not? What sayest your wonderfulness?
Pharaoh: uh huh
Slave: My wife and family do enjoy the most wonderful of all lives you’ve afforded them. Carrying bricks is just the disciplinary measure that my 28 sons need.
Pharaoh: uh huh. 28??? Did you say 28 sons?
Slave: Indeed I did, your most fabulousness.
Pharaoh: Leave my quarters. I must think. This is not good. Here we have many thousands of members of a strange culture living among us. They are not Egyptians; how do I know that in time of war they might not turn against Egypt and fight for our enemies? I must find a way to decrease this alien population.
Herald: Hear ye, hear ye. It is hearby decreed by Pharaoh, ruler of the land of Egypt, that any son born to a Jew is to be drowned in the Sea of Reeds.
Yocheved: There is no way that I will let Pharaoh take my baby. I have to hide him.
Narrator 2: Yocheved wove a basket of reeds, put her son into it, and hid it in the reeds by the river. She sent her young daughter Miriam to hide near by and watch. A princess came down to the water to bathe.
Princess: What is this?
Princess’s Attendant: It appears to be a baby, your highness.
Princess: A baby?
Princess’s Attendant: Why yes, your highness.
Princess: Well, should we pick it up?
Princess’s Attendant: I suppose.
Princess: Then pick it up!
Princess’s Attendant: Yes, your highness.
Princess: Isn’t it cute? Let’s take it home so you can take care of it and change its diapers and feed it, and it can love and respect me as its mother.
Princess’s Attendant: Sounds great.
Miriam: Excuse me, your majesty, but would you like me to I call a Hebrew woman to nurse the baby instead, so that your attendant can attend to you?
Princess: A good idea. I hadn’t thought of that. All right, your Hebrew woman may nurse my child, and when he is old enough to walk, she shall bring him to the palace for me to adopt. What should we call it? How about “Drawn from the Water”?
Princess’s Attendant: Drawn from the Water? What’s wrong with Bob?
Princess: I think it’s a good name. We’ll call him Moses for short.
Princess’s Attendant: Whatever you say, your majesty.
Narrator 1: And so Yocheved’s son, Moses, grew up as the Pharaoh’s adopted grandson, with all the riches and prestige that such a position entailed. While Yocheved never told her son that he was Jewish, he felt great pity for the Hebrew slaves. One day, he came upon an Egyptian beating an old slave for not working hard enough. With a heart filled with rage, Moses killed the guard. Of course, by doing so he was breaking the law and would have to face Pharaoh as a consequence. So, he ran away from home, into the desert, and became a shepherd.
Sheep: baaa
Narrator 2: One fine morning one of Moses’ sheep strayed a bit from the path.
Sheep: baaaa
Narrator 2: Moses followed the sheep and came across a bush that was burning, but not being consumed. He turned to look at it, and G-d called out to him.
G-d: Moses, Moses
Moses: Here I am
G-d: I am the G-d of thy father, the G-d of Abraham, the G-d of Isaac, and the G-d of Jacob. I have surely seen the affliction of My people that are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I now their pains; and I am come to deliver them out of the hands of the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land unto a good land and a large, unto a land flowing with milk and honey. And now, I will send thee unto Pharaoh, that thou mayest bring forth My people the children of Israel out of Egypt.
Moses: B-b-but why should, I mean, why, why should I be the one t-t-to lead m-m-my puh, my people?
G-d: Certainly I shall be with thee.
Moses: Whah-what shhhould I t-t-t-ell the p-p-people? When I t-t-t-tell them that you sssssent me, and they ask wha…what is your your name, wha…what do I ssssay?
G-d: ‘I AM THAT I AM’; Thus shalt you say unto the children of Israel. And they shall hearken to your voice. And thou shalt come, thou and the elders of Israel, unto the king of Egypt, and you shall say unto him: The G-d of the Hebrews hath met with us. And now, let us go, we pray thee, three days’ journey into the wilderness, that we may sacrifice to our G-d. And I know that the king of Egypt will not give you leave to go, except by a mighty hand. And I will put forth My hand, and smite Egypt with all My wonders which I will do in the midst thereof. And after that he will let you go.
Moses: B-b-but I cannot, I cannot d-d-d-o this. I am ssssslow of sssp-p-peech and sssslow of t-t-tongue.
G-d: Who hath made man’s mouth? Or who maketh a man dumb, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I? Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt speak.
Moses: Puh-puh-puh-please send sssssomeone else…
G-d: Is not Aaron thy brother the Levite? I know that he can speak well. Thou shalt speak unto him, and put the words in his mouth; and I will be with thy mouth, and will teach you what ye shall do.
Narrator 2: And so Moses went to the people Israel, and convinced them that G-d had spoken to him. He then went to the Pharaoh and told Aaron what to say.
Aaron: Pharaoh, we are here to demand, in the name of an omnipotent, omniscient G-d, that you release the Hebrew people from bondage.
Pharaoh: He he. Amusing guys. Good show, good show. So, Moses, back after all of these years to bring shame on your own house and your own father?
Aaron: You cared for my brother for many years. At one time, he loved you as a grandfather. But he is the son of a Hebrew slave. If you love him, you will let his people go.
Pharaoh’s son: Moses! I missed you! Wanna play Risk with me? Dad’s teaching me so I know how to take over the world later. Hey, who are you?
Aaron: I am Aaron, Moses’ brother.
Pharaoh’s son: I thought I was his brother! Fine. I guess I’ll go play Pyramid Solitaire. By myself. All alone.
Aaron: Pharaoh, if you do not release G-d’s chosen people, Egypt will be smitten with a greater plague than it has ever before seen.
Narrator 1: G-d sent many plagues to Egypt. He turned the water in the Nile to blood; He sent a plague of frogs; he sent lice and flies.
Pharaoh’s son: Dad! I don’t like this! Make it stop!
Aaron: Now will you let my people go?
Pharaoh: OK Aaron, I have some really good news.
Aaron: So you’ll let our people go?
Pharaoh: Of course not, but I just saved 15% on my chariot insurance.
Narrator 1: Plague after plague fell on Egypt. The cattle illness, boils, hail, locusts. The most remarkable thing about these plagues was that they only touched the Egyptians. The Hebrew slaves were safe.
Aaron: Pharaoh, we don’t know what we can do to make you see that eventually you will have to give in. We’re warning you now that G-d has told Moses what the next plague will be. He is going to kill the firstborn of every Egyptian household, up to and including your son. Pharaoh, don’t let this happen! Let my people go!
Pharaoh: I do not know your god, and I will not let your people go. Get out of my house! Get out!
Narrator 2: G-d came to Moses and had him tell the Jewish people to slay a lamb and mark their doorposts with its blood. Then, the Angel of Death flew over Egypt. He took the lives of all of the firstborn, except for those in the homes marked with blood. It was devastating! The people of Egypt were saddened and horrified.
Aaron: Pharaoh, grandfather of my brother’s childhood, we are sorry for your loss.
Pharaoh: Go away! Go away and leave me to my grief!
Aaron: But Pharaoh, now that you have seen how powerful G-d is, will you let my people go?
Pharaoh: Fine. Just go. Just….sob…just go.
Narrator 1: In our seder, we fill our wine ups to remember our joy in being able to leave Egypt. Yet our happiness is not complete, because the Egyptians, who are also G-d’s children, suffered from the plagues, and eventually were killed so that we could be free. Therefore, we spill a drop of wine from our cups as we say each plague.
All: BLOOD, FROGS, LICE, BEASTS, CATTLE DISEASE, BOILS, HAIL, LOCUSTS, DARKNESS, PLAGUE OF THE FIRSTBORN
Aaron: Listen to me! Remember this day, in which you came out from Egypt, out of the house of bondage; for the strength of the hand of the Lord has brought you from this place, and the Lord shall guide you to the Promised Land.
Moses: We m-m-m-ust go in haste. We must m-m-m-ake food, but…but hurry, we must, we must, we must go before, before Pharaoh changes his mind.
Miriam: Moses, the bread won’t have time to rise!
Aaron: It doesn’t matter, we’ve got to go. Just come quickly!
Pharaoh: I have just let my slaves all go. This is not good for the people of Egypt. All that my fathers have worked for will vanish if I lose the Hebrew slaves. Who will build the pyramids? Who will build the cities? The entire economy of Egypt will collapse without the Hebrews. It will be the end of an empire. I WANT THEM BACK.
Herald: All soldiers and warriors – get your swords and armor. Saddle your horses. After them!
Miriam: Look! The Egyptians are coming! They will kill us all! They will work us to death! Moses, my brother, do something!
Moses: D-d-do not be afraid. G-d has, has pr-provided for us up to now, and he…he…he will continue to do, to do so.
G-d: Lift thou up thy rod and stretch out thy hand over the sea, and divide it; and the children of Israel shall go into the midst of the sea on dry ground.
Narrator 2: This Moses did, and the children of Israel walked through the parted waters. When Pharaoh’s armies followed in pursuit, the waters closed in upon them.
Miriam: We made it across the Red Sea! We are free! Sing ye to the Lord, for He is highly exalted: The horse and his rider hath He thrown into the sea. Who is like you, G-d, among the gods that are worshipped? Who is like you, majestic in holiness, awesome in splendor, doing wonders?
Narrator 1: And Miriam took a timbrel in her hand; and all of the women went out after her with timbrels and with dances. Then, the Hebrew people followed Moses toward the Promised Land. Thus, Adonai our G-d brought us out of Egypt, not by an angel, nor by a seraph, nor by a messenger, but alone – with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm, and with great terror, and with signs and wonders.
EGYPTIAN RHAPSODY
(to the tune of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”)
Is this my real life?
Is this a fallacy?
Son of the pharaoh
But that’s not reality
Open your ears
And listen to my story
I’m just a Hebrew,
My people in slavery
‘cause it’s brick by brick
Toil and slave
Jewish people
I must save
Anyway the Nile flows,
Doesn’t really matter to me
To me…
Mama, just killed a man.
An Egyptian in the sand,
Struck him down with my own hands
Mama, what have I just done?
Oh now I’ll have to go and run away!
Mama! ooooooooo
A shepherd I’ve become
Hey, what’s that bush ahead that’s caught on fire?
Is it G-d? Is it G-d?
Hello, my name is Moses
“MOSES
YOU’RE TIME HAS COME
YOU’LL BE MY RIGHT HAND MAN
TAKE THE JEWS FROM EGYPT LAND”
Okay, my old buddy,
It’s you and me!
Gotta free our people from this tyranny!
Aaron! oooooooo
My brother by my side
Together we will lead our people homeward
(EPIC guitar solo of the Lord)
I see a pharaoh with a heart made out of a stone
OH THE JEWS, OH THE JEWS
Pharaoh will you let them-go?
THUNDERBOLTS AND LIGHTNING
PLAGUES THEY ARE ALL FRIGHTENING ME!
Blood and frogs
Lice and beasts
Sickly cattle,
Boils and cysts
Locusts, darkness in the land
and the firstborn….
I’m just a Pharaoh everybody loves me-
He’s just a Hebrew saving his family!
Sparing their lives from your monstrosity.
Please desist.
G-d is pissed.
Will you let them go?
MESHUGGAH NO! I will not let them go
(Let them go!) MESHUGGAH! I will not let them go.
(Let them go!) MESHUGGAH! I will not let them go.
Let them go / will not let them go! X3
GO NO GO NO GO NO GO –
OH MATZAH PIZZA MATZAH PIZZA!
MATZAH PIZZA LET THEM GO!
OUR G-D ABOVE
WILL DELIVER US FROM HERE YOU’LL SEE
YOU’LL SEE
YOU’LL SEE!
(GUITAR SHREDDING)
SO YOU THINK YOU CAN PLAGUE ME
FROM LAND AND FROM SKY??
SO YOU’VE TAKEN MY CHILD, MY FIRST BORN TO DIE!
OHHHHH MOSES!
CAN’T DO THIS TO ME MOSES!!
JUST GO AND GET OUT
JUST TAKE YOUR PEOPLE FROM HERE
(EPIC, face-melting, pharaoh guitar-shredding solo)
Come with me, my people,
G-d will part the sea
Follow me, me people,
Sing with me O Israel
We are free.
Anyway the Nile flows….
We have now told the story of Passover…but wait! We’re not quite done. There are still some symbols on our seder plate we haven’t talked about yet. Rabban Gamliel would say that whoever didn’t explain the shank bone, matzah, and marror (or bitter herbs) hasn’t done Passover justice.
The shank bone represents the Pesach, the special lamb sacrifice made in the days of the Temple for the Passover holiday. It is called the pesach, from the Hebrew word meaning “to pass over,” because God passed over the houses of our ancestors in Egypt when visiting plagues upon our oppressors.
The matzah reminds us that when our ancestors were finally free to leave Egypt, there was no time to pack or prepare. Our ancestors grabbed whatever dough was made and set out on their journey, letting their dough bake into matzah as they fled.
The bitter herbs provide a visceral reminder of the bitterness of slavery, the life of hard labor our ancestors experienced in Egypt.
בְּכָל־דּוֹר וָדוֹר חַיָּב אָדָם לִרְאוֹת אֶת־עַצְמוֹ, כְּאִלּוּ הוּא יָצָא מִמִּצְרָֽיִם
B’chol dor vador chayav adam lirot et-atzmo, k’ilu hu yatzav mimitzrayim.
In every generation, everyone is obligated to see themselves as though they personally left Egypt.
The seder reminds us that it was not only our ancestors whom God redeemed; God redeemed us too along with them. That’s why the Torah says “God brought us out from there in order to lead us to and give us the land promised to our ancestors.”
---
We praise God, Ruler of Everything, who redeemed us and our ancestors from Egypt, enabling us to reach this night and eat matzah and bitter herbs. May we continue to reach future holidays in peace and happiness.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָּפֶן
Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, borei p’ree hagafen.
We praise God, Ruler of Everything, who creates the fruit of the vine.
Drink the second glass of wine!
Some time ago, as we spoke
this matzah here we held and broke
It's called afikomen -- desert by and by
a fun tradition now to try
Well that matzah has now been hidden
for the moment at least, it's been lost
but I'll make you a deal, I'll give you my word
if you can find it, we'll pay the cost
(Young participants search for Afikomen.)
Les Miselijah (to the tune of "Do you hear the people Sing" from Les Miserables)
Do you hear the doorbell ring,
And it's a little after ten?
It can only be Elijah
Come to take a sip again.
He is feeling pretty fine
But in his head a screw is loose.
So perhaps instead of wine
We should only give him juice.
The Cup of Elijah
We now refill our wine glasses one last time and open the front door to invite the prophet Elijah to join our seder.
In the Bible, Elijah was a fierce defender of God to a disbelieving people. At the end of his life, rather than dying, he was whisked away to heaven. Tradition holds that he will return in advance of messianic days to herald a new era of peace, so we set a place for Elijah at many joyous, hopeful Jewish occasions, such as a baby’s bris and the Passover seder.
אֵלִיָּֽהוּ הַנָּבִיא, אֵלִיָּֽהוּ הַתִּשְׁבִּיאֵלִיָּֽהוּ, אֵלִיָּֽהוּ,אֵלִיָּֽהוּ הַגִּלְעָדִי
בִּמְהֵרָה בְיָמֵֽנוּ יָבוֹא אֵלֵֽינוּ
עִם מָשִֽׁיחַ בֶּן דָּוִד
עִם מָשִֽׁיחַ בֶּן דָּוִד
Eliyahu hanavi
Eliyahu hatishbi
Eliyahu, Eliyahu, Eliyahu hagiladi
Bimheirah b’yameinu, yavo eileinu
Im mashiach ben-David,
Im mashiach ben-David
Elijah the prophet, the returning, the man of Gilad:
return to us speedily,
in our days with the messiah,
son of David.
Chad Gadya
חַד גַּדְיָא, חַד גַּדְיָא
דְזַבִּין אַבָּא בִּתְרֵי זוּזֵי
חַד גַּדְיָא, חַד גַּדְיָא
Chad gadya, chad gadya
Dizabin abah bitrei zuzei
Chad gadya, chad gadya.
One little goat, one little goat:
Which my father brought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat:
The cat came and ate the goat,
Which my father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat:
The dog came and bit the cat
That ate the goat,
Which my father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat:
The stick came and beat the dog
That bit the cat that ate the goat,
Which my father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat:
The fire came and burned the stick
That beat the dog that bit the cat
That ate the goat,
Which my father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat:
The water came and extinguished the
Fire that burned the stick
That beat the dog that bit the cat
That ate the goat,
Which my father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat:
The ox came and drank the water
That extinguished the fire
That burned the stick that beat the dog That bit the cat that ate the goat,
Which my father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat:
The butcher came and killed the ox,
That drank the water
That extinguished the fire
That burned the stick that beat the dog That bit the cat that ate the goat,
Which my father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat:
The angle of death came and slew
The butcher who killed the ox,
That drank the water
That extinguished the fire
That burned the stick that beat the dog That bit the cat that ate the goat,
Which my father bought for two zuzim.
One little goat, one little goat:
The Holy One, Blessed Be He came and
Smote the angle of death who slew
The butcher who killed the ox,
That drank the water
That extinguished the fire
That burned the stick that beat the dog That bit the cat that ate the goat,
Which my father bought for two zuzim.
Ilu ho-tsi, ho-tsi-a-nu,
Ho-tsi-a-nu mi-Mitz-ra-yim,
Ho-tsi-a-nu mi-Mitz-ra-yim,
Da-ye-nu!
.. CHORUS:
.. Dai, da-ye-nu,
.. Dai, da-ye-nu,
.. Dai, da-ye-nu,
.. Da-ye-nu, da-ye-nu, da-ye-nu!
..
.. Dai, da-ye-nu,
.. Dai, da-ye-nu,
.. Dai, da-ye-nu,
.. Da-ye-nu, da-ye-nu!
Ilu na-tan, na-tan la-nu,
Na-tan la-nu et-ha-Sha-bat,
Na-tan la-nu et-ha-Sha-bat,
Da-ye-nu!
.. (CHORUS)
Ilu na-tan, na-tan la-nu,
Na-tan la-nu et-ha-To-rah,
Na-tan la-nu et-ha-To-rah,
Da-ye-nu!
.. (CHORUS)
